Changes

Q. What can I do, what can I say to help my youngest son? Please help me

Q. What can I do, what can I say to help my youngest son? Please help me

A. Your desire, as a loving mother, is understandable. You love your son, dearly.

A. Your [[desire]], as a loving [[mother]], is understandable. You love your son, dearly.

We understand your sense of failure regarding your family because of your own past mistakes.

We [[understand]] your sense of [[failure]] regarding your [[family]] because of your own [[past]] mistakes.

It pains you to see your son suffering as you did so many years ago. The dilemma -- two family efforts, one failed, one failing. One was ultra religious, the other irreligious. Both were unsuccessful. Why? What is the middle, sane, logical and truly right way of successful family life, with love, and support that we should all strive for?

It [[pains]] you to see your son suffering as you did so many years ago. The [[dilemma]] -- two family [[efforts]], one failed, one failing. One was ultra [[religious]], the other irreligious. Both were unsuccessful. Why? What is the middle, sane, logical and truly right way of successful [[family]] life, with [[love]], and [[support]] that we should all strive for?

Your daughter-in-law, Susan, phrased it perfectly, teamwork! Teamwork, yes, combined with love! All working together for the success of the family unit.

Your daughter-in-law, Susan, phrased it perfectly, [[teamwork]]! Teamwork, yes, combined with [[love]]! All working [[together]] for the success of the [[family]] unit.

As you read tonight, just as the overall human family on a planet goes through stages of development to spiritual maturity, so does the individual human family go through its stages of growth also.

As you [[read]] tonight, just as the overall human [[family]] on a planet goes through stages of [[development]] to spiritual [[maturity]], so does the individual human family go through its stages of growth also.

First -- it has it’s physical needs of nourishment - food attainment, working for, buying or growing and preparation thereof.

First -- it has it’s physical needs of nourishment - food [[attainment]], working for, buying or growing and [[preparation]] thereof.

Second -- it needs the security of housing - a home, a safe environment in which to grow and nurture and raise a family within that safety, rental of, or purchase of, a home.

Second -- it needs the [[security]] of housing - a [[home]], a safe environment in which to [[grow]] and nurture and raise a [[family]] within that safety, rental of, or purchase of, a home.

Third -- the need of education, mental maturity, cultural advancement, trade and work habits - family chores and schooling, establishing a good means and source of income.

Third -- the need of [[education]], mental maturity, [[cultural]] advancement, trade and work habits - family chores and schooling, establishing a good means and source of income.

Fourth -- pleasure and comfort, needs to be addressed - leisure and play time together at home or vacation times.

Fourth -- [[pleasure]] and [[comfort]], needs to be addressed - [[leisure]] and [[play]] time together at [[home]] or [[vacation]] times.

Fifth -- development of the sense of family and brotherhood, of love and belonging, of mutual bonding and trust within the family.

Fifth -- development of the sense of [[family]] and [[brotherhood]], of [[love]] and belonging, of [[mutual]] bonding and [[trust]] within the family.

Sixth -- the ongoing development of moral values, the understanding of truth, - resulting in enlightenment, ethics and wisdom- resulting in family harmony and community citizenship.

Sixth -- the ongoing [[development]] of moral [[values]], the [[understanding]] of [[truth]], - resulting in [[enlightenment]], [[ethics]] and [[wisdom]]- resulting in family [[harmony]] and [[community]] citizenship.

Seventh -- finally validation of self - self realization and gradual spiritual attainment as a growing, moral child of God - a virtual cosmic realization of life and its purpose to encompass love and appreciation of the Heavenly Father and the brotherhood of all human beings.

Seventh -- finally validation of [[self]] - [[self realization]] and gradual spiritual [[attainment]] as a growing, moral [[child of God]] - a virtual [[cosmic]] realization of [[life]] and its [[purpose]] to [[encompass]] love and appreciation of the Heavenly Father and the brotherhood of all [[human being]]s.

Truly, stable human family life, is the building blocks, each one, of a civilized society.

Truly, stable human [[family]] life, is the building blocks, each one, of a civilized [[society]].

You personally suffer when you fail to fulfill your duties and responsibilities in the area of family. In your failures at family and home life, you collectively hinder the progress of civilization itself!

You personally [[suffer]] when you fail to fulfill your [[duties]] and [[responsibilities]] in the area of family. In your [[failures]] at family and [[home]] life, you collectively hinder the [[progress]] of civilization itself!

In your successes you surely contribute to the advancement of your world into peace and harmony by raising loving, moral human beings who further raise stable families, worthy contributors, to a world growing towards peace.

In your successes you surely contribute to the advancement of your world into [[peace]] and [[harmony]] by raising loving, moral human beings who further raise stable families, worthy contributors, to a world growing towards [[peace]].

How does a young man, such as your son, turn things around?

How does a young man, such as your son, turn things around?

First and foremost, by changing the self. You cannot change another. That is their decision and their responsibility and their work to do. Always remember that. Learn to love the self, respect the self, forgive the self.

First and foremost, by [[changing]] the [[self]]. You cannot change another. That is their [[decision]] and their [[responsibility]] and their work to do. Always remember that. Learn to love[[ the self]], respect the self, [[forgive]] the self.

Your son must be willing to forgive; to forgive his parents for their own human errors in their own lives, their own methods and rules of family conduct that he feels affected his life so adversely and severely when he was growing up. Only with forgiveness, can come understanding.

Your son must be willing to [[forgive]]; to forgive his parents for their own human [[errors]] in their own lives, their own [[methods]] and rules of family conduct that he [[feels]] affected his life so adversely and severely when he was growing up. Only with [[forgiveness]], can come [[understanding]].

His parents were young and made their mistakes too, which lead to their own divorce, and the unfortunate destruction of their own family for which he especially suffers to this day.

His parents were young and made their mistakes too, which lead to their own [[divorce]], and the unfortunate destruction of their own [[family]] for which he especially suffers to this day.

In learning to love, forgive and accept himself and others, he can start anew with himself, his wife, his family.

In [[learning]] to [[love]], [[forgive]] and [[accept]] himself and others, he can start anew with himself, his [[wife]], his family.

Can this marriage and family be saved?

Can this [[marriage]] and [[family]] be saved?

With forgiveness, love and effort applied by both. The children also must be worked with, by showing unconditional love, patience, consideration and trust. Their worthwhileness must also be validated. Doing what is best for the whole family unit and all working together, it is possible. But all must remember that it cannot be done alone. Each must learn to take responsibility for self, for their own thoughts, words and actions.

With [[forgiveness]], [[love]] and [[effort]] applied by both. The children also must be worked with, by showing unconditional love, [[patience]], consideration and [[trust]]. Their worthwhileness must also be validated. Doing what is best for the whole family unit and all working together, it is possible. But all must [[remember]] that it cannot be done alone. Each must learn to take [[responsibility]] for [[self]], for their own [[thoughts]], words and actions.

Having a positive attitude is most important. Being aware of negative reactions and by choosing not to go there! Been there, done that, and it doesn’t work!

Having a positive [[attitude]] is most important. Being aware of negative [[reactions]] and by choosing not to go there! Been there, done that, and it doesn’t work!

Love will turn it around. Yes, but both must work at it. Both must want the survival of their marriage for the sake of self, mate and family. They must have extended family support and encouragement. Give him a base to start from. Help him to trust again in you, your love in your heart for him and your steadfast support, that you will be there for him now.

[[Love]] will turn it around. Yes, but both must [[work]] at it. Both must want the [[survival]] of their [[marriage]] for the sake of [[self]], [[mate]] and [[family]]. They must have extended family [[support]] and [[encouragement]]. Give him a base to start from. Help him to [[trust]] again in you, your love in your heart for him and your [[steadfast]] support, that you will be there for him now.

All must realize that the past mistakes cannot be changed. Present acts can. Present attitudes regarding the past can be changed, now. With that change in attitude, a change in understanding can become a turning point towards the healing of the pains of the past that still haunts and hurts him. This you well understand, when you experienced your own healing of the past regarding your own relationship with your mother before her death.

All must [[realize]] that the [[past]] mistakes cannot be changed. Present acts can. Present [[attitudes]] regarding the past can be changed, now. With that change in [[attitude]], a change in understanding can become a [[turning point]] towards the [[healing]] of the pains of the past that still haunts and hurts him. This you well [[understand]], when you experienced your own healing of the past regarding your own [[relationship]] with your [[mother]] before her [[death]].

Have faith and hope that he will see early and overcome his pains and scars of the past, for they chain him and blind him from going forward in life and being the loving father and husband he so longs to be. He tries so hard and yet “spins his wheels” in the ruts of life!

Have [[faith]] and [[hope]] that he will see early and overcome his [[pains]] and [[scars]] of the [[past]], for they chain him and blind him from going forward in life and being the loving father and [[husband]] he so longs to be. He tries so hard and yet “spins his wheels” in the ruts of life!

Now finds he is ever sinking into the depths of dark depression, frustration and hopelessness, feeling unloved by his family until death seems the only way out.

Now finds he is ever sinking into the depths of dark [[depression]], [[frustration]] and hopelessness, feeling unloved by his [[family]] until [[death]] seems the only way out.

Though he says he hates religion, the truth, he has not known. But he is very intelligent and a hard worker and loyal provider. With the right tools of right knowledge of a trade or higher education, he could have a brighter future and he could do very well.

Though he says he hates [[religion]], the [[truth]], he has not known. But he is very [[intelligent]] and a hard worker and [[loyal]] provider. With the right [[tools]] of right knowledge of a trade or higher education, he could have a brighter future and he could do very well.

Whether he holds his marriage and family together; only time and will power will tell. Regardless, the lessons learned will be valuable ones for him.

Whether he holds his [[marriage]] and [[family]] together; only time and will power will tell. Regardless, the lessons learned will be valuable ones for him.

The gall of bitterness eats away at his soul. This has to stop. A new feeling of worthiness and purpose and love will bring a brighter and peaceful world into his life, at least in the way he perceives it.

The gall of [[bitterness]] eats away at his [[soul]]. This has to stop. A new [[feeling]] of [[worthiness]] and [[purpose]] and love will bring a brighter and peaceful world into his [[life]], at least in the way he [[perceives]] it.

Be thankful that he loved and trusted enough to come home to you, right now, in this period of greatest darkness for him. He loves his wife dearly and with a renewed and better perspective, he will try again.

Be [[thankful]] that he [[loved]] and [[trusted]] enough to come [[home]] to you, right now, in this period of greatest [[darkness]] for him. He loves his [[wife]] dearly and with a [[renewed]] and better [[perspective]], he will try again.

Remember though, it is teamwork and love that they need, to get on track in their marriage.

Remember though, it is [[teamwork]] and [[love]] that they need, to get on track in their [[marriage]].

In truly loving one another, they will find forgiveness in their hearts and together work at letting go of the past and its mistakes.

In truly loving one another, they will find [[forgiveness]] in their [[hearts]] and together work at letting go of the [[past]] and its mistakes.

Then they must work together at letting their children know that they too are loved and valued and precious in their sight and that they are all part of one family that wants to work at changing the unhappiness they have all created.

Then they must work together at letting their children know that they too are loved and [[valued]] and precious in their [[sight]] and that they are all part of one [[family]] that wants to work at changing the unhappiness they have all created.

Love is the answer. Love in action. Loving thoughts, loving words, loving deeds.

[[Love]] is the answer. Love in action. Loving [[thoughts]], loving [[words]], loving [[deeds]].

Then will healing take place and peace will come to their home.

Then will [[healing]] take place and [[peace]] will come to their [[home]].

 

==Session 11==

==Session 11==

This message came from teacher Bertram

This message came from teacher Bertram