2001-02-10-Anger

Session

Opening

THOROAH: It's like tag team wresting here.

AARON: It's like brothers everywhere. I'm not fully responsible for the murmurings in the gallery today but we all rather stirred when we heard Paulo say you had to look at it now as an adult rather than a child, only because we are so sensitive to your need to be able to develop the personality from the position of childlike faith. So the clarifier, to clean up after Paulo, is only to point out the refinements of childlikeness as compared to child.

Lesson

Maturity

You are not children. You are adults, for the most part. With childlike faith, yes. This constitutes a different configuration than the four or five or six year old child whose mind is fresh and vulnerable to impressions, even erroneous and incorrect and harmful impressions, of its imperfect adult environment, but inasmuch as that is when the mind is seized with the idea, that is when the idea is fixed in the mind. And so now it's necessary to return to the heart of that child, with the mind of the adult that can see from an adult's perspective, how imperfect the adult material world is and can be, in order to correct that child's way of thinking, in order to apologize to the child for its boorishness and imperfection.

And thus when the child yes, go ahead, call it the child within if you want to when the child then is relieved of that onerous burden of imperfect perception, the adult can nurture this inner child into an appropriate learning that includes a God-conscious, adult perception, and thus the personality of the inner child is allowed to begin to grow anew, with the new perception brought about by a more mature vantage point than the vantage point unceremoniously thrust upon it by unthinking adults and unfortunate life circumstances in its youth.

In this way a personality can become well-balanced. By reviewing its perceptions. How they came to believe in a certain way. Why they feel such onerous responsibility in some cases and so blase in other cases. You have your work cut out for you, all of you. And why do you think we are so persistent in our attentions? We want you to grow up to be strong and healthy children. We don't want you walking around handicapped and maimed any more than you want to be.

Well, let's get on with the other question, then, while I'm around to talk about it. What is it?

Dialogue

Anger

THOROAH: It's about anger. She says, I also know that I have avoided expressing anger in a typical angry response . .. punching, trashing things out, yelling, screaming, etc. I dislike anger and for just cause as the UB and the Bible indicate that anger is like a stone hurled at a hornet's nest'. (48:7.20) There appears, according to the Teachings, no good to come from anger. Sometimes I'm afraid if I allow myself to be angry in the typical' responses, I won't be able to control' myself, so I don't even let myself go there. Could you ask if there is a way to handle suppressed anger that would not get the hornets aroused? I have failed (except to cry profusely) to understand how to accomplish this task.

AARON: Let me point out to you that perceptions and im-perceptions being the topic of the day, it would seem you have been given some erroneous information as regards to anger. I ask you: Did Michael instill in you an emotion that would not serve to strengthen you in some way, even if only to choose between a wise use or an ill-advised use of it? Like envy. Envy is an unpleasant emotion and yet it will indicate to you what it is you desire. And jealousy is another awful feeling and can consume love and maim it, but it will indicate a driving passion. What do you think anger is trying to tell you? Anger is indeed a message. It's how you deal with anger that is important.

Even Jesus became angry. Remember the famous story about upturning the tables of the money changers in the temple and releasing the sacrificial animals? This resulted in mayhem that took a full day to settle down! Thus you need to look at anger and appreciate it for what it is, and when they talk about throwing a stone into a hornet's nest, that is unbridled anger indeed and it is immature indeed for an adult creature of the realm, especially a God-conscious son of God to indulge in such a display, for the effects can be devastating, even permanent. You are concerned about just that when you fear that your anger will take over, as if it were a fire that could not be squelched, that burned an entire forest. You fear your own rage. And indeed rage is a forest fire of anger. But to deny anger is inviting a holistic eruption of the personality. So let's discuss what to do with anger.

Anger is very effective when it is used wisely. Like fire is very effective when used wisely, it can keep you warm in the winter. Anger can be managed by altering your perceptions initially of what triggers such a reaction, and assuming your anger is normal anger and not acerbated anger, it can be unloaded by venting, and this is a form of therapy much like the primal scream or a good stressful exercise; it gets rid of the excess so that you can deal with the substance. If you need to vent, invite a friend to monitor your anger and you might find that a witness either diffuses or enhances your performance, but it will get it off your chest and once it's contained, you can manage it maturely.

Sometimes it indicates an injustice that you can become the champion of because you have recognized how and why and to what extent it makes you angry. You can write to your legislator or your congressman or your city councilman about something that makes you mad and maybe you'll get results, but if you don't care one way or the other, it wouldn't make any sense to even bother writing the letter.

Sometimes when you have just the right firmness in your voice that indicates that you are not pleased with the performance, the rating, the quality, the substance or whatever you are offering a standard at is not unreasonable to be expected and you are requesting a reasonable response. Maybe you want your money back, maybe you want to cancel the policy; maybe you expect an apology, but this is a form of communication that is not unreasonable; it is only dangerous and damaging when it is so emotional and so volatile than an entire forest is endangered by your spark.

THOROAH: I found that part of being able to express myself in moments of anger, the anger somehow brings up my thinking synapse goes awry, I cannot formulate thoughts in order to rationally express my anger, so that the idea of venting, as in practicing expression of anger, is very interesting.

AARON: It's gracious of you to practice your anger before it is unleashed, but it behooves you to inform any witnesses of your practice. In other words, if you're going to vent, advise your fellows, I'm going to vent now, and in this way they will be able to observe your performance and not take it personally; otherwise they may feel inflicted and become defensive in the process of your expressing your dissatisfaction with some of life's vicissitudes.

THOROAH: It's like a snowball rolling down hill because of my experience as a youth, my Dad's anger (and I will call them temper tantrums, behaving like an uncontrollable child) I was affected by those, and it makes you first of all defensive. What we talked about earlier, the fact that you're even there makes you feel somewhat responsible, and then what you learn is you learn the offense of it. You learn how to, I mean, it becomes a part of your whole operation, just from those early impressions that you get, so that half the time you don't know if you're being angry because you're being defensive yourself, or whether someone actually did make you angry justifiably.

AARON: It's a mistake to tell children not to become angry. The responsibility is to teach them how to handle their anger. Anger is a natural enough emotion. And like all emotions, it is affected by the mental construct. Like little girls in your culture are taught not to get angry, that it's unladylike to stamp their foot; but for some reason it's okay for boys to become angry and be boys, even to fisticuffs, but not to be angry with their Aunt Ellen or their little sister. It gives kids mixed messages, like - this kind of anger is okay but that kind of anger isn't.

Anger is just anger. It's your behavior that is the issue. How your behavior then affects you and your relationships with other people. Or how your anger affects other people, therefore your relationships. Go back to what it was you learned about anger and take your adult with you and look at it as an adult, even as a wounded child needs to be appeased and pacified in its sobbing response to a parental temper tantrum which is okay for the grownup but not okay for the kid. That's the kind of injustice that will cripple a personality. That's the kind of error in upbringing Our Father would have us correct.

It's an onerous responsibility, I understand that. It's a beginning, however. If you learn it, you have something new then to pass on because of your awareness of how it is that your behavior affects other people, how you yourself can alter the course of destiny, how you in your quiet way can emulate the Master as he passed by.

I'm going to spend the rest of the week in the day care center. There are a lot of little kids here who need to learn how to play, who have been misinformed about a lot of things, and who love to have their back scratched, their hair brushed, their ears caressed by being told beautiful stories of happy endings, and who enjoy singing and playing and walking tall and not feeling that the responsibility of the universe is on their little shoulders. Okay, I'm outta’ here!

PAULO: And I'm back. Thank you. This is Paulo again. Are there any other matters that you'd like to bring up while we're on-line and on point?

THOROAH: I think that was a good lesson on perceptions and emotions. That should do it. It gives us much to think about. I can't think of anything else at the moment.

Closing

PAULO: Okay, kiddies. Enjoy the manifestations of love this week. Enjoy each other. Happy Valentines Day. See you soon. Farewell.