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'''Romance''' is a general term that refers to a celebration of life often through [[art]], [[music]] and the attempt to express love with words or deeds. It also refers to a [[feeling]] of excitement associated with love. Historically, the term "romance" did not necessarily imply love relationships, but rather was seen as an artistic expression of one's innermost desires; sometimes ''including'' love, sometimes not. Romance is still sometimes viewed as an expressionistic, or [[art]]ful form, but within the context of "romantic love" relationships it usually implies an expression of one's love, or one's deep emotional desires to connect with another person. "Romance" in this sense can therefore be defined as attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something or someone, in [[literature]] similar exaggerated [[narrative|narration]] is called romance.

'''Romance''' is a general term that refers to a celebration of life often through [[art]], [[music]] and the attempt to express love with words or deeds. It also refers to a [[feeling]] of excitement associated with love. Historically, the term "romance" did not necessarily imply love relationships, but rather was seen as an artistic expression of one's innermost desires; sometimes ''including'' love, sometimes not. Romance is still sometimes viewed as an expressionistic, or [[art]]ful form, but within the context of "romantic love" relationships it usually implies an expression of one's love, or one's deep emotional desires to connect with another person. "Romance" in this sense can therefore be defined as attachment, fascination, or enthusiasm for something or someone, in [[literature]] similar exaggerated [[narrative|narration]] is called romance.

== Overview ==

== Overview ==

Romantic love is contrasted with [[platonic love]]. All usages of platonic love precludes sexual relations, yet only in the modern usage does it take on a fully [[asexual]] sense, rather than the classical sense in which sexual drives are sublimated. Sublimation often tends to be forgotten in casual thought about love; it can be found in [[psychology]]. Unrequited love can be romantic, if only in a comic or tragic sense, or in the sense that sublimation itself is comparable to romance, where the [[spirituality]] of both art and egalitarian [[ideals]] is combined with strong character and emotions. This situation is typical of the period of [[Romanticism]], but that term is distinct from any romance that might arise within it. [[Beethoven]], however, is the case in point. He had brief relationships with only a few women, always of the nobility. His one actual engagement was broken off mainly because of his conflicts with noble society as a group. This is evidenced in his biography, such as in Maynard Solomon's account. Romantic love might be requited emotionally and physically while not being consummated, to which one or both parties might agree.

Romantic love is contrasted with [[platonic love]]. All usages of platonic love precludes sexual relations, yet only in the modern usage does it take on a fully [[sexuality|asexual]] sense, rather than the classical sense in which sexual drives are sublimated. Sublimation often tends to be forgotten in casual thought about love; it can be found in [[psychology]]. Unrequited love can be romantic, if only in a comic or tragic sense, or in the sense that sublimation itself is comparable to romance, where the [[spirituality]] of both art and egalitarian [[ideal]]s is combined with strong character and emotions. This situation is typical of the period of [[Romanticism]], but that term is distinct from any romance that might arise within it. [[Beethoven]], however, is the case in point. He had brief relationships with only a few women, always of the nobility. His one actual engagement was broken off mainly because of his conflicts with noble society as a group. This is evidenced in his biography, such as in Maynard Solomon's account. Romantic love might be requited emotionally and physically while not being consummated, to which one or both parties might agree.

In romantic love, according to the more modern definitions of the term, lovers often transcend worldly qualities, not only seeking deeper love, but perhaps also raising questions about a more ultimate [[meaning]] (not an uncommon sort of question in any case). This criticism of love is far from new in [[philosophy]], but owes a great debt to [[Schopenhauer]] and [[Kierkegaard]].  Schopenhauer wrote at length about the conflict between reproductive instincts and personal fulfillment, and preceded [[Freud]] in this regard.

In romantic love, according to the more modern definitions of the term, lovers often transcend worldly qualities, not only seeking deeper love, but perhaps also raising questions about a more ultimate [[meaning]] (not an uncommon sort of question in any case). This criticism of love is far from new in [[philosophy]], but owes a great debt to [[Schopenhauer]] and [[Kierkegaard]].  Schopenhauer wrote at length about the conflict between reproductive instincts and personal fulfillment, and preceded [[Freud]] in this regard.

== General definition of romantic love ==

== General definition of romantic love ==

=== Within a relationship ===  

=== Within a relationship ===  

'''Romantic love''' is a |relative term, that distinguishes moments and situations within interpersonal relationships. There is often, initially, more emphasis on the feelings (especially those of love, [[intimacy]], compassion, appreciation, and general "liking") rather than physical pleasure. But, romantic love, in the abstract sense of the term, is traditionally referred to as involving a mix of emotional and sexual desire for another as a [[person]]. However sexual desire and romantic love can be functionally independent [http://www.psych.utah.edu/people/faculty/diamond/Publications/Emerging%20Perspectives.pdf] and also, as an additional claim to the topic, that romantic love is not intrinsically oriented to same-gender or other-gender partners; and that the links between love and desire are bidirectional as opposed to unilateral.  

'''Romantic love''' is a |relative term, that distinguishes moments and situations within interpersonal relationships. There is often, initially, more emphasis on the feelings (especially those of love, [[intimacy]], compassion, appreciation, and general "liking") rather than physical pleasure. But, romantic love, in the abstract sense of the term, is traditionally referred to as involving a mix of emotional and sexual desire for another as a [[person]]. However sexual desire and romantic love can be functionally independent [https://www.psych.utah.edu/people/faculty/diamond/Publications/Emerging%20Perspectives.pdf] and also, as an additional claim to the topic, that romantic love is not intrinsically oriented to same-gender or other-gender partners; and that the links between love and desire are bidirectional as opposed to unilateral.  

Furthermore, one's sex has priority over another sex in romantic love, and seems to purport the idea that it is possible for someone who is [[homosexual]] to fall in love with someone of the same gender, and for someone who is [[heterosexual]] to fall in love with someone of a different gender. [http://www.psych.utah.edu/people/faculty/diamond/Publications/What%20does%20Sexual%20Orientation%20Orient.pdf]

Furthermore, one's sex has priority over another sex in romantic love, and seems to purport the idea that it is possible for someone who is [[homosexual]] to fall in love with someone of the same gender, and for someone who is [[heterosexual]] to fall in love with someone of a different gender. [https://www.psych.utah.edu/people/faculty/diamond/Publications/What%20does%20Sexual%20Orientation%20Orient.pdf]

If one thinks of romantic love not as simply erotic freedom and expression, but as a breaking of that expression from a prescribed custom, romantic love is modern. There may have been a tension in primitive societies between [[marriage]] and the erotic, but this was mostly expressed in taboos regarding the menstrual cycle and birth.

If one thinks of romantic love not as simply erotic freedom and expression, but as a breaking of that expression from a prescribed custom, romantic love is modern. There may have been a tension in primitive societies between [[marriage]] and the erotic, but this was mostly expressed in taboos regarding the menstrual cycle and birth.

--Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene II </blockquote>

--Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene II </blockquote>

Romantic love, however, may also be classified according to two categories, "popular romance" and "[[divine]]"(or "[[spiritual]]") romance. '''Popular romance''' may include but is not limited to the following types: [[ideal]]istic, normal intense (such as the emotional aspect of "falling in love"), predictable as well as unpredictable, consuming (meaning consuming of time, energy and emotional withdrawals and bids), intense but out of control (such as the aspect of "falling out of love") material and commercial (such as societal gain mentioned in a later section of this article), physical and sexual, and finally grand and demonstrative. '''Divine (or spiritual) romance''' may include, but is not limited to these following types: realistic, as well as plausible unrealistic, optimistic as well as pessimistic (depending upon the particular beliefs held by each person within the relationship.), abiding (e.g. the theory that each person had a predetermined stance as an agent of choice; such as "choosing a husband" or "choosing a soul mate."), non-abiding (e.g. the theory that we do not choose our actions, and therefore our romantic love involvement has been drawn from sources outside of ourselves), predictable as well as unpredictable, self control (such as obedience and sacrifice within the context of the relationship) or lack thereof (such as disobedience within the context of the relationship), emotional and personal, soulful (in the theory that the [[mind]], [[soul]], and [[body]], are one connected entity), [[intimate]], and infinite (such as the idea that love itself or the love of a [[god]] or God's "unconditional" love is or could be everlasting, if particular [[belief]]s were, in fact, true.)[http://ce.byu.edu/cw/cwfamily/archives/2003/Carroll.Jason.pdf]

Romantic love, however, may also be classified according to two categories, "popular romance" and "[[divine]]"(or "[[spiritual]]") romance. '''Popular romance''' may include but is not limited to the following types: [[ideal]]istic, normal intense (such as the emotional aspect of "falling in love"), predictable as well as unpredictable, consuming (meaning consuming of time, energy and emotional withdrawals and bids), intense but out of control (such as the aspect of "falling out of love") material and commercial (such as societal gain mentioned in a later section of this article), physical and sexual, and finally grand and demonstrative. '''Divine (or spiritual) romance''' may include, but is not limited to these following types: realistic, as well as plausible unrealistic, optimistic as well as pessimistic (depending upon the particular beliefs held by each person within the relationship.), abiding (e.g. the theory that each person had a predetermined stance as an agent of choice; such as "choosing a husband" or "choosing a soul mate."), non-abiding (e.g. the theory that we do not choose our actions, and therefore our romantic love involvement has been drawn from sources outside of ourselves), predictable as well as unpredictable, self control (such as obedience and sacrifice within the context of the relationship) or lack thereof (such as disobedience within the context of the relationship), emotional and personal, soulful (in the theory that the [[mind]], [[soul]], and [[body]], are one connected entity), [[intimate]], and infinite (such as the idea that love itself or the love of a [[god]] or God's "unconditional" love is or could be everlasting, if particular [[belief]]s were, in fact, true.)[https://ce.byu.edu/cw/cwfamily/archives/2003/Carroll.Jason.pdf]

=== Historical definition of romantic love ===

=== Historical definition of romantic love ===

The concept of romantic love was popularized in Western culture by the game of courtly love. [[Troubadours]] in the [[Middle Ages]] engaged in (usually extramarital) trysts with women as a game created for fun - and not for [[marriage]]. Since at the time marriage had little to do with love [http://www.middle-ages.org.uk/courtly-love.htm Middle Ages.com - Courtly Love], courtly love was a way for people to express the love not found in their marriage. [http://www.wsu.edu/~delahoyd/medieval/love.html Courly Love and the origins of romance] "Lovers" in the [[context]] of courtly love did not refer to [[sex]], but rather the act of emotional loving. These "lovers" had short trysts in secret, which escalated mentally, but never physically. [http://employees.oneonta.edu/farberas/ARTH/arth214_folder/courtly_love_.html A History of Women: Silences of the Middle Ages] Rules of the game were even codified. For example, [[De amore]] (or ''The Art of Courtly Love'', as it is known in English) written in the 12th century lists such rules as "''Marriage is no real excuse for not loving''", "''He who is not jealous cannot love''", "''No one can be bound by a double love''", and "''When made public love rarely endures''".[http://www.astro.umd.edu/~marshall/chivalry.html The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus]

The concept of romantic love was popularized in Western culture by the game of courtly love. [[Troubadours]] in the [[Middle Ages]] engaged in (usually extramarital) trysts with women as a game created for fun - and not for [[marriage]]. Since at the time marriage had little to do with love [https://www.middle-ages.org.uk/courtly-love.htm Middle Ages.com - Courtly Love], courtly love was a way for people to express the love not found in their marriage. [https://www.wsu.edu/~delahoyd/medieval/love.html Courly Love and the origins of romance] "Lovers" in the [[context]] of courtly love did not refer to [[sex]], but rather the act of emotional loving. These "lovers" had short trysts in secret, which escalated mentally, but never physically. [https://employees.oneonta.edu/farberas/ARTH/arth214_folder/courtly_love_.html A History of Women: Silences of the Middle Ages] Rules of the game were even codified. For example, [[De amore]] (or ''The Art of Courtly Love'', as it is known in English) written in the 12th century lists such rules as "''Marriage is no real excuse for not loving''", "''He who is not jealous cannot love''", "''No one can be bound by a double love''", and "''When made public love rarely endures''".[https://www.astro.umd.edu/~marshall/chivalry.html The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus]

Some believe that romantic love evolved independently in multiple cultures. For example, in an article presented by Henry Gruenbaum, he argues "''therapists mistakenly believe that romantic love is a [[phenomenon]] unique to Western cultures and first expressed by the troubadours of the Middle Ages''".  

Some believe that romantic love evolved independently in multiple cultures. For example, in an article presented by Henry Gruenbaum, he argues "''therapists mistakenly believe that romantic love is a [[phenomenon]] unique to Western cultures and first expressed by the troubadours of the Middle Ages''".  

Even though there often appears to be traces of romance and love being intertwined in various cultures and societies throughout history, [[Gary Zukav]], best selling author of Seat of the Soul and Soul Stories, views romantic love as being an [[illusion]], stating that the concept of romantic love can never be truly fulfilling. He states that "Romance is your desire to make yourself complete through another person rather than through your own inner work.", thus isolating the idea of romance from the concept of "true love." His argument is that "real love" is more beneficial than romantic involvement alone.

Even though there often appears to be traces of romance and love being intertwined in various cultures and societies throughout history, [[Gary Zukav]], best selling author of Seat of the Soul and Soul Stories, views romantic love as being an [[illusion]], stating that the concept of romantic love can never be truly fulfilling. He states that "Romance is your desire to make yourself complete through another person rather than through your own inner work.", thus isolating the idea of romance from the concept of "true love." His argument is that "real love" is more beneficial than romantic involvement alone.

Romantic love may, then, be a [[sexual]] [[love]]. "Sexual" is a loaded term, and "spiritual" is vague. By saying romance is always a form of sexual love, it is meant that while it tries to transcend these things, it never escapes their inclusion entirely and it proceeds, either in some sense ''away'' from these things in terms of origin, or ''toward'' them as in some sense subordinate to sex as a goal, though drawn to mental and spiritual qualities  that attempts to transcend, in some cases entirely, mere needs driven by physical appearances, lust, or material and social gain. This transcending, ultimately, implies not just that personality is more essential, which could be considered a truism, and a view that might appear without much regard to virtue, ranging from the noble to the most shallow character. Rather, romance tends to strive to see, or suppose it can see, personality as attractive in a fundamentally higher ''sense.'' In some religions, all forms of love (and art) may be regarded as indirectly seeking [[God]]--and therefore adding to a relationship with God--whereas at the same time, such lesser objects of love are sometimes regarded as distinct from God and an obstacle in the path of [[spirituality]].     

Romantic love may, then, be a [[sexuality|sexual]] [[love]]. "Sexual" is a loaded term, and "spiritual" is vague. By saying romance is always a form of sexual love, it is meant that while it tries to transcend these things, it never escapes their inclusion entirely and it proceeds, either in some sense ''away'' from these things in terms of origin, or ''toward'' them as in some sense subordinate to sex as a goal, though drawn to mental and spiritual qualities  that attempts to transcend, in some cases entirely, mere needs driven by physical appearances, lust, or material and social gain. This transcending, ultimately, implies not just that personality is more essential, which could be considered a truism, and a view that might appear without much regard to virtue, ranging from the noble to the most shallow character. Rather, romance tends to strive to see, or suppose it can see, personality as attractive in a fundamentally higher ''sense.'' In some religions, all forms of love (and art) may be regarded as indirectly seeking [[God]]--and therefore adding to a relationship with God--whereas at the same time, such lesser objects of love are sometimes regarded as distinct from God and an obstacle in the path of [[spirituality]].     

Not only theologians, but many philosophers debate this, especially in continental philosophy in [[existentialism]], and in [[analytic philosophy]], in views such as [[emotivism]]. After the emotivist turn in philosophy, in other words, there was a pressure to reduce moral judgment to some kind of aesthetic judgment. Romantic love moves beyond bodily things on a certain assumption. In other words, any palpable aspect of the person can be cynically chalked up to appearance. What is assumed is not merely that personality is ''of [[value]]'' in a more profound sense than the body. (This is a truism easy to defend given the obvious fact of the mind as the most complicated aspect of the person and where he or she is encountered in the most distinctive and compelling way). Rather, the critical assumption is that the personality is ''attractive'' in a fundamentally ''different'' sense from the body as well.  This, then is the question of spirituality in romance, taking into account many religious, philosophical and historical views. For example, in realizing that romantic love can never be inherently [[spiritual]], one supposedly passes to a higher spiritual plane, beyond the worldly, which [[Buddha|Buddhism]] may answer with the notion of [[anatman]]. Things lesser than [[personality]], however, as well as the practical aspects of personality, always play a role in romance's arousal and justification.  

Not only theologians, but many philosophers debate this, especially in continental philosophy in [[existentialism]], and in [[analytic philosophy]], in views such as [[emotivism]]. After the emotivist turn in philosophy, in other words, there was a pressure to reduce moral judgment to some kind of aesthetic judgment. Romantic love moves beyond bodily things on a certain assumption. In other words, any palpable aspect of the person can be cynically chalked up to appearance. What is assumed is not merely that personality is ''of [[value]]'' in a more profound sense than the body. (This is a truism easy to defend given the obvious fact of the mind as the most complicated aspect of the person and where he or she is encountered in the most distinctive and compelling way). Rather, the critical assumption is that the personality is ''attractive'' in a fundamentally ''different'' sense from the body as well.  This, then is the question of spirituality in romance, taking into account many religious, philosophical and historical views. For example, in realizing that romantic love can never be inherently [[spiritual]], one supposedly passes to a higher spiritual plane, beyond the worldly, which [[Buddha|Buddhism]] may answer with the notion of [[anatman]]. Things lesser than [[personality]], however, as well as the practical aspects of personality, always play a role in romance's arousal and justification.  

* It is not overtly (initially at least) predicated on a desire for sex as a physical act.   

* It is not overtly (initially at least) predicated on a desire for sex as a physical act.   

* If requited, it may be the basis for lifelong commitment.

* If requited, it may be the basis for lifelong commitment.

== Further reading ==

== Further reading ==

*Denis de Rougemont, ''Love in the Western World.'' Pantheon Books, 1956.

*Denis de Rougemont, ''Love in the Western World.'' Pantheon Books, 1956.

*Francesco Alberoni, ''Falling in love'', New York, Random House, 1983.

*Francesco Alberoni, ''Falling in love'', New York, Random House, 1983.

*[http://www.falling-out-oflove.com Brain Chemicals of Romance] How brain chemicals define the stages of love.

*[https://www.falling-out-oflove.com Brain Chemicals of Romance] How brain chemicals define the stages of love.

*Brad Hayden, "falling in love" Canada, Random place, 2007 Made possible by Cora-lee Reid.

*Brad Hayden, "falling in love" Canada, Random place, 2007 Made possible by Cora-lee Reid.