1993-10-17-Showing Compassion

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Topic: Showing Compassion

Group: Unknown

Facilitators

Teacher: Iruka

TR: Unknown

Session

Opening

Urantia Book

Iruka: The love of God surrounds you, the joy of God enfolds you wherever you are, He is. Good afternoon I am Iruka, I am your friend and teacher. I am happy to be here today. I have missed being with you last week. Actually I was with you but I did not get to talk with you. I am happy to see that you go ahead and read the Urantia Book when you are not getting a lesson or are able to ask questions. This will sustain you. You will learn much so try to continue to read the Urantia Book and also our lessons, because together they will make a whole, they will round you out, they are complementary.

Lesson

Kindness, Compassion

Actually my lesson today is about showing kindness and compassion to those around you. Showing it when you do not feel it. Much like courage is compassion and kindness. Courage is when you do something and you are afraid of doing it, but you do it anyway. Showing kindness and compassion can be the same way. You may not feel it, you may be angry, you may be resentful to the person you are showing it to, but you are letting the love take over and showing that instead. When you do this, it makes the whole situation better. The person or people respond to you positively and inside of you it dissipates this anger, or resentment, or jealously, or whatever the negative feelings are that you are carrying for them. When you act and show love in a positive way, it starts to permeate your being and it will dissipate the negative feelings that are inside. Much like doing something you are afraid to do, once you begin the fear is pushed down or dissipates so that you no longer feel it. So when you show love to others that you do not want to show love to, it not only helps them, it helps you. It uplifts your attitude, it permeates your being with love and acceptance, not just the other group, but also you. It uplifts the whole situation. This is a short lesson, but it is so important in your daily lives. And now I will accept questions.

Dialogue

Discipline

S2: Iruka, showing love, showing kindness, how do you do that in a discipline situation, how do you do that when the kids are talking during the church service when they should be quiet. How am I supposed to discipline them and show kindness, is that possible?

Iruka: You do it out of your will, not out of your anger. Your will to be loving, to be disciplined but not degrading, not hurtful. You do it with the tone of voice and with the words that you choose. In any situation this is applicable, correcting anyone, someone you work with, someone you live with, not only children. Think about your words and your tone of voice. Does this help?

S2: You are saying that my kids expect a certain tone of voice, that is kind, and they expect another tone of voice that is angry. I am not sure that I distinguish between the two, when I am trying to discipline them.

Iruka: Think back to see if when you discipline them, when you think about it you are angry and that comes through in your voice. Can you recall that? There is a difference in doing it out of anger, or just side-stepping your anger and doing it in a more regular tone of voice. It is true that when children hear the anger, and they are used to it, that is what they are responding to. Do you see this difference?

S2: I am not sure, I think I have a lot to learn here. My projection of voice changes when I am in that situation and I become very piercing, very "in their face", they can't avoid me. They have to listen to me. I need to grab their attention, their attention is wandering, they are just kids and often if I am kind and relaxed then they feel free to continue their current activity even though they don't understand my words. I have had . ..perhaps this is something that happened when they are little...I am not sure I know how to be kind and enter into their consciousness at the same time.

Iruka: It is true that whatever patterns have been established, that is what they are responding to. At this point they may be responding to anger in your voice, perhaps. If that is the case, it will be difficult to change, for them to learn to obey the words without feeling the intimidation and the power. Can you see this?

S2: I have been looking forward to that as they mature and it is also sort of scary because sometimes when they mature, it seems like other people, their teenagers don't even listen to them anymore, no matter how powerful or forceful they are. I have been looking forward to having a more adult relationship with them, and not needing to be this piercing, and this way. I guess it is out of anger.

Iruka: Compare this with how you would talk to perhaps a co- worker or perhaps the neighbor that is doing something that you don't want them to do, how would you approach another adult and compare that to how you would talk to a child, and see the difference. You approach an adult on an equal level with respect for that individual's place, from his understanding, from his perception of what is going on. And you talk with him and explain to him how this has effected you, or whatever situation this is, and you point out things that his perception has not told him. And then he acknowledges this and agrees to something to a solution that is mutually agreeable to both of you. So there is a difference with how you talk to another adult, and how you talk with a child. Can you change this way of handling the child in a way that his inner-most being is not perhaps threatened or overwhelmed?

S2: The family planning book probably has a solution in there and that is; before the situation occurs, you need to have a meeting with the children and explain what the expected behavior is in that scenario. I think the problem today was we had a friend with us at church and he didn't know how to behave in church, and that was what was causing the problems. So I think, in the moment where you don't have time for long discussion with the children that you would plan before hand to have a long discussion with them. Then during the situation you could be kinder.

Iruka: Yes, absolutely. Each new incident is a learning incident. This situation a new person was in and didn't know the expectations for him, so did not know his boundaries and there was trouble, or interruption. This is a learning...each time it happens, each time anything happens you are a step closer to knowing what is allowable. It will not happen overnight, it will take time. But don't be discouraged.

S2: Do we spend most of our lives just fumbling around in this side?

Iruka: That is one way to put it, yes. Look at them as lessons and if they are not learned very well, they will come back around in another way. So just learn what you can and move on, and learn it again if you have to. Even this side has those kinds of lessons. The Morontia worlds are almost totally those kinds of lessons. In learning to be spiritual, many of the things you have learned here have to be unlearned, or learned in a better way. That there is a better way to do something, or to express your feelings without hurting anyone around you, and it isn't easy. There are times on this side that people, that individuals, that beings clash in their opinions and it has to be worked out. Think of this as just kindergarten and you will get better in the second grade, and you will be better in third grade and you will be better in fifth grade, and you will be better in sixth grade. But don't expect to be a sixth grader right now. You are in the kindergarten, don't give yourself high expectations right now. You will grow into being what you wish to be, that will happen, no question about that. [thanks]

L1: Hi Iruka, it is nice to be back again, I missed you last week, a couple of weeks back.

Iruka: Thank you. It is nice to see you again too.

L1: What I hear you say about showing kindness is that we can choose to override our lower emotions, being angry or hurt, or just not wanting to show that kindness. We can override our more ego tendencies by choosing at that moment to show kindness. And yet the regular practice of that can show us how to choose the higher path, to exercise that. Is this right?

Iruka: Yes, and you have stated it so eloquently, thank you.

Weakness, Human Condition

L1: Thanks, my difficulty that I run into, is that when I am hungry or tired, or there are physical reasons why my energy is low, it is so hard to override that lower mind and that is what I have difficulty overriding...I can remind myself of the values I want to have in my life and the sacrifices that I must make to have those values and have them be part of me, but when I am hungry or tired, those physical things it is really difficult to override. I am wondering what can I do to work through that.

Iruka: It is absolutely true that when hunger, fatigue is present it is difficult to love, to be gracious, to be understanding. Being aware of it helps, you are dual nature, you have a physical side and you have a spiritual side and when the physical side has to be taken care of, the spiritual needs get pushed down until the physical needs are met. That is the way it is and knowing that and understanding that, knowing you may be short tempered when you are hungry, knowing you may be in a bad mood or totally focused on food when you are very hungry...awareness, being conscious of that is so important because then you can say to yourself 'OK I am tired this is why I am biting everyone's head off, so I will take a few minutes for myself and get a short nap or settle myself down and spend some time with the Father' or if you know you get hungry very frequently carry something with you, carry a banana, carry something to eat in your purse, in the car. And know that you have to take care of your physical needs so that the spiritual can come through. Know that you may need to carry water in a cup in your car, for when you get hung up in traffic, you know there is something to drink, or a can of juice, or something that will help you get where you are going without making yourself sick, physically...bringing yourself so far down that you don't make good decisions when you are in traffic or when you are out. Just by being aware of this will help you keep yourself in balance.

L1: Thank you, that is helpful.

Abuse, Trauma

S1: Hello Iruka, a couple of questions. The kids I work with have all been really abused...S and L all have really nice kids, really well behaved by my standards, what I have seen. I couldn't imagine having serious problems with them. The kids that I work with need constant spanking just to keep them anywhere near in line. Now of course they have seen some horrible examples...had to endure a very hellish existence up until a few years ago. I can't imagine you making sweeping generalizations about how to deal with children, trying to negotiate through the voice...I mean the kids that I work with can't be spoken to...I mean they can't be talked with as an adult or remotely even as a child. I was wondering if you could clarify in dealing with kids that really aren't well behaved, really have never seen a normal kind of existence. How do you deal with that?

Iruka: You are right, I am speaking in generalities, with typical children who have had relatively typical lives. Severely abused, traumatized children cannot respond. They have never felt totally loved by anyone. Situations that they have been in have not been safe, they don't feel safe. They feel everyone can hurt them and maybe will hurt them. They have not learned to trust, and they may never learn to trust, with the pain inside of them, and the hurt. They will sop up love like sponges, they will consume it and they will want more. Their care givers will feel drained, will feel dissipated because these children have such tremendous needs. So no, their care will be different, they have never been taught boundaries because the adults around them have no boundaries. Does this help?

S1: Yeah that makes a lot more sense from my perspective, the kids that I work with. They are constantly needing attention, and trying to find out if I really like them, constantly asking 'do you like me?' things like that. So it makes a lot of sense, thanks.

Iruka: And you may never be able to give all the love that they require, because they just are empty inside. So give what you can and keep your level of frustration down because you will get frustrated.

S1: OK, I will try to watch it, thank you.

Prayer

L1: Iruka, I am sure it is appropriate to pray for say children that have been abused, even adults who have been abused or have been through such traumatic experiences as to make them very needy people, but we can pray for those people. My question is, in my own prayer time I am experimenting with forms of prayer, verbal and visualization. Do you have anything to say that might help to develop more visualization in prayer?

Iruka: When you pray for a specific person and visualize that person that will help your image, your conceptualizing who you are praying for. Is this what you are referring to?

L1: Yes as well as seeing them perhaps smiling, visualizing them go through some kind of turmoil and being unhappy and then have the visualization turn into seeing them very happy, seeing a strong white light around them, seeing it permeate their life, seeing a happy outcome and then trying to project that strong, peaceful, content visualization to them, and maybe ask the Father to send them special love, energy, and see it as opposed to say it. See it in pictures and send it is the kind of thing I am trying out these days.

Iruka: This can be very powerful and you send them your love too, with the Father's. And this makes it more real, more powerful, yes absolutely.

L1: I have found in my prayer time, when I pray for others recently that knowing a little bit about what it is that person might need...it seems that what all of us need ultimately on the bottom line, the very core of what all of us need is just to feel God's presence in their life and know that He is there. Someone may be having trouble with their marriage, another may be sick, there are different needs but at the bottom of it all, the one need that we all seem to have is to know that we are loved by God. I begin praying for them on the material need, whatever it is they need, and I come to see it that what they really, really need and what would take care of all the other needs would be to have conscious awareness that the Father loves them, they are held and cared for.

Iruka: Absolutely. If every person on this planet knew that he or she was a child of God and that God loved them on an individual basis, cared about them, this planet would go from where it is now into light and life. That is what would make the incredible difference. So yes, that is absolutely right.

L1: Thank you for that affirmation.

Gender, Mansion Worlds

S2: Iruka, at church this morning it was lay Sunday and there was a question and answer session, one of the questions was: how does God talk to you. The lady that spoke on that subject is coming from a contemplative Christian background. Everything she said up there meshed with everything that I am learning right now. So after the church service I walked up to her and I said 'do you feel that when you are listening for God that you are listening for a personal relationship with God, or with a Father that is coordinating activities among people'. She took issue with the term Father and didn't deal with the rest of my question. She said God could be a woman and I said 'that's fine' and turned it into a joke and I left. There seems to be a very strong Father emphasis in the Urantia Book...and I know that is explained in the Urantia Book. My real question is, when we go to the Morontia worlds do we still maintain a personality that is basically male or female? Here on this earth, on this planet, is that sexual difference also personality based.

Iruka: You keep your identity. It is not expressed in terms that I can explain it to you, but certainly people that you knew here, will recognize you, they will know you are from Urantia, they will know you are male, they will know that you have done a lot of spiritual growing when you were here in the material life. You will have traits that will be with you forever. Your personality, your individuality will stay with you forever. You will see each other the way you see each other now, like facial expressions. It is not exactly the same, but it is similar. That is the best I can do to describe, so you will recognize each other. You will recognize humans from other worlds. They will have their personalities and they will have their characteristics, so everyone is still individual and are recognized as individuals. Does this help?

S2: So you are saying that our physical existence now and the bodies that we are in...we will be able to recognize the bodies that we were in. There will be some trait of our bodies that we were in, with us when we are on the other side. Is that a quick summary, that is accurate?

Iruka: Yes. Now you understand that the Morontia world is a place where you have a combined...you are learning to go from your physical bodies to a spiritual body. It is like a stepping stone, and at each time you grow more, you become more spiritual, you lose your material characteristics, but they become more spiritualized. In so doing this you will still recognize each other, but in a different way. And I am not explaining this very well but these traits stay with you, yes.

S2: What you are saying then basically is that our masculinity and femininity, the part that impinges upon our personality stays with us. [yes] But you are saying that ultimately I am going to become more feminine, that there are feminine personality traits. I will either learn them or merge them into my personality somehow in a better way. I also hear you saying...and maybe this is not true, but this is what I heard was that this whole argument of using the language; the Father, using the language the Mother, that, that is all more of a local issue here on this side and those terms, masculinity and femininity, are not debated on the Morontia side.

Iruka: That is correct. There is...one is not better than the other. One does not have more status than the other. Both are needed, both are parts that fit with each other, that create a unity, a wholeness. This planet, this culture is hung up on the sexes. One is stronger than the other, one treats the other poorly. It is the whole planet, not just this culture. It is worse in some places, of course. That is life, it has to be worked through and you will get past it, but you keep your own traits. Think of God as being whole, He is complete, and I say He because of this culture, because that is the word that the T/R uses. I can say Creator, I can call God the Creator, would that be better. Would that be more universal in the understanding. Would that help this group? I would be happy to do that.

S2: I just think this is just more fumbling.

Iruka: I don't want my terminology to trip you up and I can change it so that you don't trip over it when you are thinking about it, to think that, that is important, because it isn't.

S2: I personally don't trip over it. I have a feeling other people do, that might not be in this group, but there is other people out there that are tripping over it. I was just fumbling through that language and using the word Creator with her would be much better, you are right.

Iruka: But of course, the Creator is whole, the Creator has all the most beautiful characteristics. When you grow and change you become like the Creator, and it is in becoming that you take your traits and make them whole and balanced inside of your being, inside of your personality. You lose the negative. Don't think of it as losing the masculinity, you are losing your negativity and if something is good and positive that may be considered feminine here, and it is positive and it makes you whole, then you will see that you want that trait. This will be on the other side and it will not have the stereotype hang ups that may be of this culture. Does this help? [yes, thanks]

Seekers

E1: Hi Iruka, there is a phenomena going around, well it is not quite widespread yet, about frequency and a human having a note missing, are you aware of that? And that would be the reason why they have maybe illnesses or...for example this little lady in Ohio has a tightly wound cochlea and she is able to hear sounds that emanate from people, and she is able to discern what note the being is missing. And once they hear the note or is surrounded by the note, there is some correction in their existence or in their being. Are you aware of this and what is your statement on it.

Iruka: I am aware in very general ways how individuals are searching and looking for their Creator. Different personalities find or lock in to certain things and they think that this is truth. While there might be some truth to it, and it might help people, it is not the whole truth. There is the whole truth in seeking the Father, in seeking the Creator, and you get it directly from the Creator. So why run around and spend time and energy on something that might be true, or might be partial truth? Does this answer?

E1: Not exactly. Are you then saying that there is some truth to it and if so, if there is some truth to it and the person finds the correct note, then wouldn't that help them find the Creator much faster than going around in a circle.

Iruka: But you can find your Creator by sitting in silence, spending time alone with Him, with the thought adjuster. That is more direct and leads you to the Creator faster. It is like many other things that I cannot talk about, things have partial truth and so it is hard to tell what is truth and what isn't. What applies and what doesn't. It is a diversion. Does this answer?

E1: Kind of.

Iruka: You must decide for yourself if this is something you wish to find out about and to try.

E1: The thing I don't understand is if the being feels as though there is something incomplete in their existence and they may want a hastened correction, besides lets say, sitting several months before seeing something different in their existence, what would be bad..in other words they find this 'note' that is missing couldn't they then go on from there and [lost when tape ran out]

Iruka: . ...their own path and so if that is something they wish to try and wish to do, that is certainly their choice, absolutely.

E1: But the important thing after that would be to go on in terms of finding the Creator, or their thought adjuster. Is that right?

Iruka: Yes, absolutely.

E1: So are you saying there is some relevance to this?

Iruka: Relevance may not be the word here, but you know that there is truth in all religions. There are also many errors in the world's religions. So it is your job to sort through it, but if you know that one way is more direct, is faster, is more enlightened then that would seem to be the best way to go. Do you understand?

E1: Yes I do. By the way, did you not regard it as a religion as a matter of fact there has been some MD's that have referred their patients to this lady and they have gotten better results from her, than from the doctor they were going to. So, they don't regard it as a religion but more or less, hands off medicine.

Iruka: I was using the world's religions as an example.

E1: Understood, thank you.

L1: I would like to add if I might that it seems to me that anything that requires someone else, someone else's assistance, he is placing the power to ascend or grow outside of your own hands and that missing note could be placed through the quiet time by asking the Father/Mother Creator to help you with that. With that the Father becomes the facilitator of that need, that you do it through your own being, as opposed to looking to someone else.

{lengthy off mike discussion about L's comment}

Iruka: Yes, what you are saying is true, but also what E said. Many individuals do not trust themselves and may not be at the point where they think their Creator will take time for them. So sometimes we do need help from other individuals, other humans to encourage and to maybe confirm...to confirm and help the person to grow. But ideally, yes, going to the Father on your own...they will all make it, you will all make it. That is why it is important to be there for others, to show them love when you don't feel like it. To be patient with them when you are in a hurry, to show them that they are OK and they will make it, that God does love them. So it is understandable why these people go and if they get help, certainly that is fine. God will do whatever He can to help His children in whatever way is necessary. He loves His children and He wishes to speak to His children through all kinds of everyday activities. So if some individuals are being helped, that is wonderful, but what I am saying is: You have the source, you have the power inside of you, that you may not need to go off in that direction, but certainly that is your choice. Does this help, is this further understanding? [yes] Good, great.

Teacher Contact

L1: Iruka, I had a question. Is my teacher here with us today? [yes] I would like to just affirm that..I feel a lot of guidance, I feel a lot of help, I feel that there are lessons coming through and every day something happens to confirm that for me that I am on the right path, and I am being led....I feel that very strongly but I as of yet have no personal contact. My focus has not been to necessarily establish a personal contact, more of the message that I would get and so the question is, is this right, and I perceiving this correctly, that I am getting the lessons that are intended for me, but that because of my focus that this is why I have not received any personal, like a name, personal contact.

Iruka: Yes, basically. When you wish, when you attempt to hear the words, you will. But you have not been feeling that it is necessary at this point. And that is fine, however, direct contact does make the process easier, does make it faster. It can clear up specific questions that you might have. It also establishes a relationship, a friendship between you and your teacher, and your teacher grows from this also. You may see only your side and see how you are growing and changing, but your teacher does also. It is mutual, so when you are ready and wish to have the communication, the verbal, the words....again when you are ready to work on it, you can do that and it will happen. Does this answer?

L1: Yes that is very encouraging, thanks.

S2: Iruka, when we started I felt Ceranta real, real strong, but I haven't had a real good chance to talk with him or her...I haven't even gotten that far yet. I feel basically the same way L does. I have been receiving a lot more than I ever expected and it is starting to flow, but no direct personality separate from mine can I identify yet. And I have asked, reserved time for that, so I am still working on it.

Iruka: Are you frustrated?

S2: No I am not frustrated at all, I am happy.

Internet

Iruka: Good, was this a question? [no] I just wanted to make sure that there was a question I was not answering. This takes time, it will happen and are you feeling joy? [yes] That is what your teacher is also feeling, is the joy. So continue like you are and your awareness will grow.

S2: The physical relationship and the physical proximity that we have here in this room, is that helpful in....is the concept that . ..wherever two are gathered there I will be...is that physical. I cannot experience this through the Internet and there are some very good people on that electronic world there and you can just feel glimpses of it, but you can't...I mean nothing like here. I am wondering if it is possible through that computer system to ever get a group feeling like we are having here.

Iruka: Not at this time because the individuals are so far away, and because of the divisiveness of this planet at this point, no. But as the planet moves towards light and life, and it may not be in your lifetime, it will happen. When an individual is alone, they don't feel alone on a planet of light and life, because everyone feels the love of the Father, of the Creator. They feel the unity, not the divisiveness, and right now this planet has too much divisiveness for you to feel that way while you are on your computer.

Love

E1: Iruka, I am just curious is there any way you can look down the road in terms of answering this question. The question is, how much longer do we have to go with the evil ways of man or at what point will they come to realize that hatred isn't as productive as they thought and being divisive isn't as useful they may think it is, before we get on the road of light and life.

Iruka: There is no way that I can foresee that. Everyone will have to know how much they are loved. The individuals who perpetrate the hate, the violence, the control do that as a defense so that they are not hurt, so they are not controlled, so the violence is not perpetrated on them. Because they too are scared, they are frightened, and by being tough, and hurting those around them, then they think that they cannot be hurt. Until they know how much they are loved, how much their Creator wants to be in communication with them, this will not change. Love is more powerful than hate, more powerful than fear, more powerful than envy, but they have not seen that, they have not felt that. It has to happen one at a time. One person at a time has to find that out. So there is no way that I can see when that will happen. That is why this mission is reaching people one at a time. That is why I say to you, you do make a difference. If you can show love to someone else, they will notice a change and maybe they will be changed. Wherever you are, at work, on vacation, in your neighborhood, in your family; that is why I keep coming back to the same theme. Love each other, encourage each other and today even when you are angry, even when you are jealous, even when you are tired, show that, show that they are cared for. They will make the leap in their minds, they will make the leap that if this person cares about me, then yes maybe God does care for me. It is a big job, but it can be done, it will be done, but when I cannot say. Have I discouraged you?

E1: No, but something like a Bell curve...are you familiar with that...how statisticians use that in terms of trying to figure out when things will happen and usually they can estimate a peak of a time when something will occur, and ebb and flow, incidences...and I was just wondering if that is possible over in that world if you could tell if we are at our peak, which I doubt, but I was just curious...

Iruka: That certainly is accurate, like the lost, yes. But to say when it could happen, no, I don't know. But it is increasing, more and more people are feeling the love of the Father, of the Creator.

Media

E1: It seems as though equally so, more and more people are feeling more hate and that is all the media is mentioning, how people are becoming more...evil, with racism and such. They would say just the opposite of what you said.

Iruka: The media is focusing on the negative, they are getting your attention. It is for money, it is sensationalized, but if you read other things, magazines, good books, you will find out that love is being spread. That people are helping other people, that does not make the news, that does not sell newspapers, that does not bring in money. So understand that these things are focused for money, and God's love doesn't sell on TV, unfortunately. But if you keep your ears open, and if you read certain magazines, you will read all the time where someone has risked their life for someone else. Every time there is a major accident, people help each other and it is glossed over. It is mentioned barely. So you are seeing a very slanted version in the news. Does this help? [yes, and thank you]

Closing

So if there are no further questions, we will end the session. I have enjoyed being here very much. I look forward to our Sunday afternoons with great excitement and joy. I will miss you, and see you next week. Good afternoon.

Group: Good afternoon.