1997-05-18-Trust & Guilt

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Topic: Trust & Guilt

Group: Nashville TeaM


Teacher: Ham

TR: Rebecca



Ham: Greetings, friends, I am Ham and I want to thank you all for having come here this afternoon. Tonight we would like to discuss trust and trustworthiness.


When you say you trust another human, usually you are talking about something in particular or just that their general trustworthiness is high. Never can you totally and with absolute confidence in every small detail say that you trust another human being. And this is as it should be because God reserves the sphere of total trust for himself. To trust totally you must have something completely perfect to trust in. Those who attempt to put this sacred sphere of trust onto other human beings are doomed to be continually disappointed. God is the only perfect person who you are in contact with. So your trust in him can be a truly sacred thing.

Human beings are fallible creatures and often you are guilty of having expectations that are too high. Often it is not another person's sin against you that you should be blaming for feeling let down, but rather your own illusory expectations instead. Can you really blame someone for operating at the level that they are. If you expect them to operate in a higher moral sphere, you are in error. Often you blame someone for being untrustworthy when in reality it is you that are guilty of misunderstanding that person's level.

As you progress in the spirit coming closer to the Father and partaking of his divine perfection, truly do you become a better friend to others just as the Father is a perfect friend to you. You then can justify another's faith in you. You can earn other's trust. The Father is truly a perfect friend, you can never put too much trust in Him for he will never let you down. And, as you partake of his nature, you are less and less likely to let your friends down.

Think of a time when someone was disappointed in placing their trust in you. They felt treated unfairly, but didn't you also feel treated unfairly? Didn't you feel that you needed to be who you are and who you are required certain actions which may not of seemed unfair to you at all? Now think of a time when you deliberately did someone wrong. Sometimes the motive could be to deliberately break another's trust in you. Sometimes, someone's trust is too big a burden and not expressive of who you are. Sometimes you might not feel that this burden of trust is fair and this is certainly so.

Each person must come to trust the Father and Him alone. Once you can come to that understanding, then the betrayals and let downs that other people bring into your life is not so hard to bear because your sacred trust is not lying with them. Your sacred trust is unshakable and complete so the foibles of your fellows are not so grave, not so serious.

Now we come to the part where you begin to be worthy of the Father's trust. The Father knows your level, he knows what he can give you and what you cannot handle. You never have to worry about violating the Father's trust because you cannot do it. You can never disappoint the Father. You can never violate his sacred trust in you. There is no place in your relationship with the Father for guilt. All of you have experience with children and you know that you do not want them to feel guilt and self-loathing over some minor infraction. Really, what you desire most from them is love.

Can you see that the Father never desires you to be guilty or in any way self-loathing. He desires you to love him, he desires that you trust him, and together you will make (it) through this earthly existence. Sometimes, in confusion, you might think that it is best to give the Father guilt, but this is not so. You must learn to gradually release these feelings of guilt and self- loathing. Do not try to put too much trust in yourselves because this can compound and perpetuate inner guilt. Keep your trust where it belongs, not on your shoulders or anyone else's except the Father's. Be calm and be gentle with yourselves. Be careful not to set yourselves up for disappointments by putting too much trust where it doesn't belong.Are there any questions at this time?


Q: When you feel guilt based on love, when someone you have loved you have let down, does that follow with what you are saying.

Ham: Yes.

Q: What's my next step?

Ham: This daughter I will not tell you at this time. You will have guidance from Orion and others. It is not for me to tell you anything to do. What I suggest, however, is to have complete openness when the time is correct you will know what to do. Ask for help and for guidance within in your prayers and it will be given to you.

Q: You said in your lesson that we could never disappoint the father or violate his sacred trust in us, could you elaborate on that?

Ham: The Father is fully aware of all the imperfections in your life, in your being. He is not taken by surprise by anything you could do or think. He sees you totally and completely as you are in every moment. He is total, unconditional love and nothing you can do will ever change that. The Father sees reality, his reality, in its entirety, its completeness. The reason human beings experience disappointment is by having unreal expectations. The Father is never a victim of this, so he does not ever experience disappointment. Likewise, he does not experience anger or fear. The Father may seek to place a Fatherly hand between you and disaster, but never does he seek to punish his children.

Q: You said there is no place for guilt in our relationship with our Father. Can you speak of the proper place of guilt, if any, in the relationships between human beings.

Ham: Yes, guilt and remorse should be a part of human interactions. You should understand that remorse and guilt is a part of empathy between people so if you have hurt someone and understand their anguish, then you will necessarily feel guilt.

Q: But we can't hurt the Father?

Ham: Correct.

Q: We have been raised with guilt in our religions and guilt and fear of God are a part of our culture and heritage. It will not be easy for us to overcome these habits of thinking and feeling about God. But I think when we are able to trust God as you described, it will be liberating for us.

Ham: Certainly it will.

Q: I am surprised that you find value in guilt in interactions among people?

Ham: Human society would not be possible without it.

Q: In other words, a loose terminology, loving guilt, and empathy. Is that what you are talking about?

Ham: If there were no remorse for wrong doing, you could not have civilization.

Q: In one of your earlier lessons you said guilt must be abandoned and you elaborated on that, to what extent should we feel guilt.

Ham: Gradually as you grow in the spirit, it is possible to gradually eliminate guilt as a part of your every day life. Some of you carry guilt from childhood that is irrelevant and unproductive. But you are afraid to let that guilt go because it has been part of how you defined yourself since you were a child. This is the kind of guilt I was talking about. I didn't mean that if you hurt another person accidently or deliberately that you should not feel any guilt.

Q: Ham do you have any words for me this week?

Ham: Certainly, Kellin, there are words that need to be expressed, feelings that need to be shared. Sometimes you carry too much on your shoulders for fear of burdening someone, but this is not healthy for you. Sometimes you might just need to yell at a wall or nothing but you always hold it and then this suppressed feeling can surface in small ways that can be hurtful to you and others. So take some time to honestly express yourself. Be open and honest and express your feelings. Your world won't collapse even though you think it might.

Q: I'd like to ask my usual question.

Ham: Certainly Jarad, likewise you internalize your feelings as well. There are times when you feel things that you don't want to face squarely so you don't express them either. I think you should be freer with your self-expression and use this freedom also in your writing.

Q: Anything for Rebecca?

Ham: Yes, Rebecca you are the worst one about repressing feelings and denying them as well. It would be good for you to yell every day for a week. I want you to really do that. Be freer in your self-expression and also you'll find that it helps you work.

Q: Anything for Esmirelda?

Ham: Yes, daughter, don't be feeling alone with your thoughts. Be sure to keep close touch with your brother and daughters. You are achieving a very good balance, and are beginning to get in touch with your true feelings and thoughts. Have confidence and faith in who you are becoming and don't feel obliged by others to remain who you were.

Q: Elena?

Ham: I have to let Elena go through her own experience and feelings at this time. There is nothing to say that would help her. Way.. You are realizing some inner realities also that were not apparent earlier in you life and you need to learn how to embrace and accept newness within. as this inner change occurs, things become new outside as well. You learn to see through new eyes and the new man then lives in a new world. Don't be afraid of this process because it is gradual and unconscious. But, you must now recognize it for the gradual spiritual transformation that it is and not deny your newness.

Q: About the things I need to talk about, could you suggest someone that would be good to talk to about these things?

Ham: No, that's for you to decide.

Q: It seem like Rebecca gets to hear an awful lot of whining and moaning from me anyway?

Q: Ham do you have any words for me today?

Ham: Yes, son, there are decisions that you need to consider about who you are and what you want your life to be. So far, you've let the circumstances and chance mold your life and have not take responsibility for its direction yourself. So if I were to give you advice, I would say think about these things and begin to consciously create your life rather than allowing it to be created for you.

Q: Ham is there any feedback you have for me this week?

Ham: Yes, Brodan, you are certainly progressing in the spirit. The time is correct for you to let go a little more. Don't be do worried about losing control if you allow yourself more freedom -- freedom of thought, and freedom of will. You tend to impose a strength of will on yourself that leaves very little room for spontaneity or times saying I don't feel like it. I would say if you loosened up the reigns a little bit, you'll find that you actually can go faster.

Q: Is what's so scary about freedom to people the unknown?

Ham: Yes, the unknown is certainly frightening but it is also exhilarating to leave the nest of your own making.

Q: Quit being both the prisoner and the jailor?

Ham: Yes.

Q: Tonight you encouraged several of us to be freer in our self-expression. In the Urantia book I recall reading a passage on the necessity of increasing self-control as we progress through the circles. In my mind there is some confusion between self- control and self-expression.

Ham: Self-control simply means you are wisely choosing the time and place and method of self-expression.

Q: Ham, I appreciate any advice for me.

Ham: Vontis you are learning the real value of friendships both within your family and outside it. True friendship with another human being has a value and a purpose all in itself apart from what it give you or what you give to it. Think of the value of your friendship with Elkie and this friendship has a value in the universe that is different than the value each of you has apart. It is a wise man who learns to treasure friendship for its own sake.

Q: Where you just talking about the Supreme?


Ham: yes. It there are no further questions I will depart until next week. My love and prayers are with you all daily. Farewell.