2005-08-08-Spiritual Pain Of Boredom

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Topic: Spiritual Pain of Boredom

Group: Marin TeaM


Teacher: Nebadonia




Prayer: Dear Mother and Michael, How really great this is--having You in our lives like this. We feel especially blessed to be alive at this critical phase of our world’s history. As we read and reread Your lessons and let their meaning soak in and affect us, we feel again Your love, and experience again Your peace and reassurance. Slowly it dawns on us that this world, this whole universe we live in is not only full of enormous, mysterious physical and material happenings, but it is peopled by hundreds of different kinds of personal beings. And so it is not only what is behind the phenomena of the universe, but who, leading all the way up to that ultimate person, God himself. So we thank You very sincerely for helping bring God into our lives as a person. Amen.

(The reason for our existence—sharing)

NEDADONIA: Good evening, My children, this is your mother, Nebadonia. I welcome and appreciate--your appreciation of Me and these insights and understandings I am able to offer you. As your Urantia Book puts it so succinctly, the one English word that most closely defines what We mean by the attributes of divinity, that word is—sharing; and it is such a delight for Us to be able to share what We can with you. We tease you with just a little bit more than what you may be able to understand immediately, and so We appreciate too this extra effort you put into understanding our lessons, really opening your hearts and minds to feel the impact of Our words, to feel the love We have for you.


As Michael said last week, you can think of this sharing as the reason our Father created such a vast universe and then peopled it with such a wide range of beings--so that He could share creation with so many others. You have personal beings such as the Architects of the Master Universe who decide that, here’s an empty space where we can put another galaxy. For even on this level, God is sharing His creativity; and then all the way down to human beings, creating you in such a way that you have an opportunity to creatively shape your own lives.

This is that precious gift of freedom wherein you can actually define a human being as a creature of will dignity. This is the dignity of being able to choose to a large extent what you will do, what you will learn, what abilities you will acquire, what your attitude towards your fellows will be. Directly following this is the kind of relationships you will be able to have with your fellows. This is such a power and an opportunity that you are almost--you might say--stuck with it. It’s almost unavoidable. Indeed it is unavoidable if you wish to fulfill the potential you were created with. The mind and spirit, very much like a physical muscle, need exercise. You need to put your decisions into play and then be open and accepting of the feedback you get from reality as to what works and what doesn’t, and why. This is the great adventure.

(Humans are—almost—stuck with opportunity)

We say you are almost stuck with this opportunity because your freedom even entails missing opportunities. In a way, time is relentless. You can think of time as being one of God’s laws for try as you may, you cannot slow it or call back a moment of it. And even though you have a potential eternity of time in which to live, the very fact that it is always now means, however, how you are using this now, right now, is crucial to your growing all you can. This is why We have given so many lessons on helping you perceive various ways in which you are missing opportunity.

The main one of these is falling into a state of mind, or sometimes deliberately trying to create a state of mind in which nothing seems to change. This is that "bubble of familiarity"--We coined a phrase to help you see. Often you’re only perceiving that aspect of reality which keeps repeating itself as day follows day, weeks follow weeks, and so forth for months and even years. By its very nature this mis-perception is hard to notice, especially for those souls who feel so world-weary they do not really want to fully wake up and experience the aspect of reality that is new each day. Others have built up a kind of momentum of wealth or leisure such that they wish to disengage from any kind of feedback from a greater reality, create their own self-contained little world about themselves, and close the door.

Then too there are those who have been severely injured and have known a great deal of pain, physical or mental or even spiritual, for whom the adventure no longer seems worth the price it has cost them. They find themselves paralyzed with fear, and feel they are being dragged through life haphazardly by a very cruel or indifferent fate. And so in becoming fatalistic they are unconsciously giving consent to what is tormenting them.

(The spiritual pain of boredom)

These are various ways by which people close down and choose not to be open to that aspect of reality that is renewing itself. Then there is no denying that potential opportunities of growth, of happiness, of adventure, of engaging playfully and creatively with their fellows, are given over to a dull, paralyzing layer of habit. Clinging to the same routine day after day, they sometimes even express it, only half-consciously, as "killing time." Is there anything so spiritually painful as boredom? Is there any more deadly acquiescence right within life than accepting this pain? This pain is your soul screaming for you to live. Use your creativity to pull yourself out of this hole you’ve stumbled into. Use this time, which is God’s greatest gift, to not miss the uniqueness of this moment which will never happen again quite this way.

(Keeping up with universal evolution)

Indeed, it takes great nerve to perceive and accept, then, that there is a universe-wide evolution taking place. This can be rather scary for it implies that each personal individual needs to keep up. This is another of those ironies where the full acceptance and delight in this universal growth, this alone carries you along--welcoming change, looking forward to growing your creative abilities to meet ever greater challenges, ever broader fields of play. You trust in these God-given abilities and potential you have. Your trust in yourself, your trust in Us, your spiritual parents, and your trust in God, our Universal Father; these are not ultimately separate.

You are capable of knowing a wonderful, transcendent balance between yourself all Other. For any truly loving parent wants above all for their children to be loving and strong, self-reliant yet capable of the most intimate and touching prayer, never too shy or proud to ask for help, knowing and trusting it is only by this asking for help, this sincere prayer, can you live up to your full potential--using Our help. Nothing grieves Our heart more than to see Our children killing time. For this is life itself.

(There is no predestination, but there is an ideal way to live)

There is no predestination as your more fatalistic fellows would have you believe. Yet within each moment of your life there is an ideal way for you to be spending that particular moment. So as you stand on the cusp of each new moment, with all you have been somewhat behind you, standing--as We have given you the illustration--on the edge of a great chasm of the unknown, you can feel for this ideal. The more open you are to all dimensions, including the past and how you’ve truly lived your life--all the ups and downs, the trials, the successes, the mistakes; the more you are in possession what really happened in all of its fullness--the more you can flesh out this ideal of the next step with true wisdom. In other words, the more you are in possession of what worked, and what didn’t, and why, the more you feed your imagination. Then you let your imagination feed you--with what you have not yet tried, but just might be possible. Do you see any boredom in this scenario, My children? Almost automatically you are out of your bubble of familiarity and living as a fully engaged spiritual being. You are playfully trying things, dancing long with life. You are welcoming the feedback because reality is now your partner, your dance partner. You are thriving in this not-being-alone, not being self-absorbed.

This is all part of your free will. You even have the freedom of refusing to exercise it, letting it grow stagnant and stale. But Oh, We do ask you, dear children: Stretch yourselves. Open your arms and embrace reality. Realize how much you are capable of being one with it. It is the solid wind under the wings of your soul. But you have to move those wings to feel it. Jump in, use yourselves up. Use Us. And then rest. Let go into the sweet oblivion of sleep, that wonderful, well-earned sleep, trusting our Father to put you back together again. When you awake you may be a little stiff and sore for the exercise, but it will be the sweet ache of accomplishment. And as you stretch, working out all those little aches and pains, don’t be surprised to feel your soul rejoicing. So much is in your own hands, My children. Glory in the fact. Use them well.

If you have any questions or comments, I would welcome hearing them.


Student: Mother, I have a comment and a question. The comment is actually a heartfelt Thank You for all the changes You and Father Michael have made in me with the support of Donna from the Center for Christ Consciousness. I’m beginning to feel as though I’m a real human being again, and that I’m getting closer to You and Father Michael in experience. So truly, thank You for all Your support, and all the changes.

The question is: where is the dividing line between Your support for us, and what we’re supposed to be doing on our own?

NEBADONIA: Dear C, thank you for your appreciation. We joyfully accept your heartfelt thanks. It’s such a glory for Us to see Our children putting their hearts and souls into what We offer, and exercising their faith to give it a try.

(The line between you, Michael, and Myself)

As to your question, there is no hard and fast line between us. You as a personality created by God have intrinsic qualities that you develop and use, yet throughout this entire life you have known, you have never exercised them strictly alone. Your Thought Adjuster--a Mystery Monitor of God has been part of your mind, offering you ideas completely selflessly since your earliest memories of four or five years old. This presence of God in your mind has also helped give you an ability to experience Michael’s Spirit of Truth whenever you sincerely asked yourself, what was what, when any two or more contrary ideas or notions presented themselves. You used Michael’s Sprit of Truth to help sort them out.

Similarly, you have been using My Mind Adjuncts; you literally live within these dimensions My mind. From the time you were born you began to encounter and use these Adjuncts to help you think, to reason, to have the courage and the curiosity to explore your world. They help you be sociable with your fellows. Once you reach a certain point of maturity, they help establish in you a feeling of thankfulness for this life you are living--My Adjunct of Worship.

Last week Michael answered a question specifically about mind, not so much what to do with your physical body in terms of work, or exercise, or play, nor even your spirit except as a kind of orientation. For if you would seek to have or share Our mind, you orient your own mind towards being spontaneous, being kind of loose and freewheeling and original with respect to what’s happening to you. This is being creative, this being open to let ideas occur to you, to approach things with curiosity, to really wonder what is this in front of you though you may have seen it dozens of times before. This originating wonder is mainly, My son, what you can do for yourself. Understand and seek this attitude towards your life, for this is something you can initiate. This is something you can create on your own for yourself--this curiosity and this wonder.

For then it calls upon your own wisdom, your own soul’s wealth of all your life’s experiences, and it calls upon Us to help you solve this delightful riddle of your existence. So I think this is the greatest gift you can give yourself, My son. This is what you can do for yourself most sincerely. Keep an open mind. Treasure your curiosity. Does this answer your question?

Student: Yes, Mother, thank You. It begins to answer it. I see now that I had lost that curiosity, that interest in what’s going on, and the wonder of life. Somehow, the only way I can think of to say it, the rest of my mind didn’t match up to this way of curiosity. Something prevented it from being actualized. I’m not quite sure how to say it, but there is some disappointment in all that, in looking at life and wondering with curiosity and interest as a little child does. And it was more painful than it seemed to be worth, so I quit doing it for a long time. But I think now I’m mature enough to be able to go back and do it again. In fact, I know I will.

(Being aware of, and accepting uncertainty)

NEBADONIA: Will you recall We gave a series of lessons on the need to accept an amount of uncertainty in your life in order to fully exercise your curiosity? This is mainly what folks try to avoid--this feeling of uncertainty. Seen from their viewpoint, it seems absurd to accept this feeling of not knowing what is happening, or not knowing what’s coming next. Unfortunately so many folks shut down their curiosity and their wonder and try to cling to a certainty of life in what has already happened.

But life is not certain—that way. Life is dynamic and alive. It cannot be held fixed. You have that wonderful saying that you cannot hold a river in a cup, only a cup of water. And so yes, you are right My son, disappointments and small failures at various endeavors can lead you to fear this uncertainty, or simply feel it’s not right to have uncertainty in your life. But the fixity of being certain is only an illusion. Like any illusion it wastes valuable time and effort to maintain. So think about this. Think about what the feeling of uncertainty is, and whether you really need to fear it.

It takes a deep understanding to actually accept uncertainty in the very moment you are caught up in it, and it is not just some abstraction We are talking about. It’s when you’re extending your foot out into the unknown and there’s not yet any ground beneath your foot; yet you are stepping out anyway. This is why Michael and I respect that, from a human viewpoint, life can be a bit scary. This is true. There’s a true adventure happening, which is why tonight I elaborated on different ways by which folks try to avoid it, yet die a little each day if they do. There’s nothing so precious, My son, as trust in our Father who set life up this way in His unfathomable wisdom and love. Does this help you see the whole picture?

Student: Yes, Mother, it certainly does. I’m looking at uncertainty in a different light now than I did before. It’s still a little bit fearsome--fearful rather, but it’s going to be there anyway, whether I like it or not. So thank You very much again.

NEBADONIA: You are very welcome. Be in My love.

Student: Dear Nebadonia, I could see my question being answered as You were working with C, but my question for the sake of further enlightenment is based on Rodan of Alexandria: the lures of maturity. (Ed: in the Urantia book) Could You elaborate further how I can benefit from these lures of maturity and less from animal drives and repression? I know that Rodan was a great philosopher, and it’s a wonderful attitude, and I accept the fear of the unknown fairly well. I still wish I could feel the lures of maturity more. I appreciate any help. Thank You.

(The lures of maturity; narcissism)

NEBADONIA: Yes V, let’s consider what a lure is, what it is to be alluring. It’s as if something in the future is calling to you, and this could be a person. And then as you make out the features of this person calling to you from the future, you realize it is yourself. In this case it’s a hopefully more mature you, calling to you and encouraging you to make a good effort to keep growing--as We expressed tonight--make good use of your time so you will be a more mature you in the future. So let’s turn it around, just for the fun of it, shall we?

Student: All right.

NEBADONIA: Here you are now; what would you have to say to a younger you? (group laughs) Because you are a more mature you, what lure could you offer yourself say, ten years ago? Just think about this a bit.

The lures of maturity… We have been trying to give you a feel of a parallel reality going along with you, and growing, that is your soul, your life’s experiences, seen from your Father Fragment’s spiritual viewpoint. As We have said tonight, it is so much more ideal to have these experiences various and broad. So this is one of the lures of maturity, this growth in wisdom stemming from this great variety of interests and activities that feed your soul.

We caution you that this does not mean life will get easier, in the sense of being effortless. Rather, in maturity there is a kind of strong, well-tried and exercised acceptance of the effort involved that gives meaning to life. This enables meaning itself to grow, so even though effort will always be required and necessary, the wisdom of maturity can welcome this effort for the increasing meaning it gives.

Maturity can offer the insight that nothing is so spiritually painful as meaninglessness. It’s a close cousin to that other pain I mentioned earlier--boredom. In fact those who are trapped in a experience of meaninglessness are what you often call insane. There can be no greater living hell than the feeling of meaning draining out of life. So an increasing meaning can be a great lure of maturity, encouraging you to welcome the effort required to reach for, and do your best. Does this make sense to you, My son?

Student: Yes, it makes wonderful sense Nebadonia. As you were talking I hope I wasn’t distracted with another question. It seems to be looming so much in American society and even in China…is narcissism really a valid word? Are we suffering from that too much now with our modern society and self-absorption? Is that an overrated word, or can You use it to add to wisdom, for the record and for mankind?

NEBADONIA: Well, it’s certainly not a new phenomenon. The word comes from olden Greek mythology, of the fellow who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water, and then ended up drowning trying to embrace himself. You might think of narcissism as the exact opposite of the spiritual blessing of self-forgetfulness. It’s not being able to forget yourself. It’s going through life relating everything to yourself. No matter what someone says to you in a conversation, you immediately try to either go one-up and top it with something you’ve done, or you very mis-appropriately refer it to something in your own life.

So a person who is narcissistic is terribly trapped; he’s a prisoner of self. Nothing much seems to have independent life outside of himself. He risks going through his life missing a whole universe happening all around him, all these hundreds of very discrete individuals passing by in a blur of only how they relate to him. It’s a terribly pitiful condition and it’s simply a hallmark of immaturity. To a degree most individuals pass through a phase of this, because it takes a strong and self-confident ego—your perception of yourself--to be able to turn around and relinquish this, to turn outward to enjoy this enormous world and universe surrounding you, independent of you.

But keep in mind My son, this is a very individual quality, and so it’s too much an abstract generality when applied to any large group of people. It’s a bit like the old puzzle where each sex is constantly wondering what the other one wants. Individual men, shall we say, can be constantly puzzled at: what do women want?--never realizing this "women" is only a generality in their own minds and has no other actual existence. Because here comes this woman, then here comes another one. This one’s eighteen, and this one is thirty-five; the next one is seventy-two. This one wants excitement; this other one wants nothing to do with excitement. You see what I mean? (Group laughs)

(Seeing through the pseudo-wisdom of generalities)

This is where the wonderful blessing of self-forgetfulness comes in from a mature self-confidence, as you offered in your prayer several weeks ago. You can let go and forget yourself, and start to enjoy all these unique individuals who are no longer coming to you through a screen of your own generalities—which are a kind of immature pseudo-wisdom. Yet certainly with an increasing amount of leisure and wealth individuals are capable of exercising a more narcissistic and egoistic orientation than more primitive human beings who were pinned down throughout their days with the struggle to survive, and had to pay attention vigilantly outwards.

And so, hopefully, narcissism is just a phase that various individuals will pass through, get their fill of, and then be rescued by their own curiosity as to what lies beyond themselves. As I said, we can only pity them if they get arrested at this stage. Does this answer your question more fully?

Student: Yes--wonderful, light and lively answer to a sort of an over-used term: very insightful. I hope You believe about this…ah…for a long time. Thank You.

NEBADONIA: You are very welcome. Be in My love.

(Be your own Renaissance Person; the world–wide Renaissance)

Well, My children, I hope this evening has given you a feeling of encouragement and inspiration to be your own Renaissance Person. And also then, to forget about yourselves, and look around, and really thrill in the fact: the whole world is entering an enormous period of Renaissance. And like the one that happened in Europe several centuries ago and was given this name, if you go back and look at that time very carefully, you will notice that for many of those living through it--because there was such a shake-up of tradition, and a destroying of old habits of thought and comfortable, established ways of seeing things--it was a very scary time.

It was a time when many individuals were even tortured and put to death for their disbelief and their curiosity—the curiosity which led to such a blossoming of scientific thought. So too today on Urantia, as universal communication tends to shrink the world and cultures are being pressed into a much tighter embrace of each other, there is an enormous polarity taking place. People are tending to be pushed into extreme polar expressions of what would otherwise be more moderate beliefs in isolation.

You can only try to personally avoid this yourself, and keep your balance, by not identifying with these rather polar extremes--socially, politically, or culturally. Do your best to, in your heart, identify with the whole of mankind. Open your heart to those who are truly suffering because of the rigidity of their cultural pride, and pray that they can find the good grace within their lives to let go these stereotypical ways of seeing things.

As I said in My last lesson, this will require a respect for the diversity of culture and the whole historical evolution of the different races and cultures which has brought you to this point. But that in turn relies on each individual feeling strong and at peace within himself or herself with their own true past experiences--in other words--what absolutely happened, not by mere comparison to something or someone else. People sometimes feel belittled in their comparisons to others, not knowing, as we just talked about, these comparative generalities are their own projections.


So as We have asked of you before, and you have recognized in your prayers to Us, try to beam back to everyone you encounter their absolute reality in your eyes. Cherish them for all the diversity they were created in by first finding the peace in your own heart that will allow you to see them this way. And be in My love.

Group: Thank You, Mother