2006-03-12-Facing Fear, Using Prayer Feather

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Topic: Facing Fear, Using Prayer Feather

Group: Rio Rancho TeaM


Teacher: Merium

TR: Gerdean



MUSIC: Elena on piano: "(Softly and Tenderly) Jesus is Calling"

Group: Softly and tenderly, Jesus is calling, calling to you and to me. Watching and waiting; waiting for you and for me. Come home. Come home. Why from the sunshine of love would'st thou roam? Further and further away. Softly and tenderly, Jesus is calling, calling to you and to me.

MERIUM: Good afternoon, my friends . .. my little friends. How fun it has been, observing your interchange and your devotions to your animals -- your pets. You have been talking about the parental relationship and that of the good steward. It is also noteworthy that you have touched upon the sentimental shrine where your pets are kept (what's left of them). This sentimental shrine is something we expect will take place on Urantia because of the fact that He lived here, and thus there will always be that preciousness about this place . .. so much affection and interest have been invested in Him on this world.


Well, so much has transpired since we last met, it is hard for me to know how to keep up. I am so glad to see you here, Miriam. I understand you had some nice things to say about one of my recent messages. I think it had to do with the transition to Mansonia.

Miriam: Yes. It was powerful and very helpful and as you all know, I'm kind of tender to that spot with my mother and she's been helping me with that my whole life, so … it was wonderful.

MERIUM: How fortunate you are to have a mother who is a believer in the afterlife! This is a tremendous help in your anticipation of a long and fruitful -- dare I say 'eternal' association. Imagine the sense of loss that those who have no faith experience. That is a presumed loss indeed! But because you have a knowledge of what transpires when you leave here, your doors and windows are wide open.

I was overhearing a conversation between one of the teachers and a student recently, wherein the woman had recently lost her mother and was going through the grieving process and wondered if her mother on the other side was also experiencing such longing. And the response was effective, evidently, for the woman was filled with appreciation for the food served to her in the message that On High, the mother has a perspective now that would preclude her from that same deep grieving as the daughter, who has not yet made the transition.

This is one of the effects of the transition, that you have this greater perspective, and when you have a greater perspective, everything changes.

And also interesting was that the teacher conveyed once they have gone through the portal to Mansonia, their relationship will change because the mortal family is a function of the mortal worlds, but the eternal family is a function of the spirit, and so when they both find themselves in Mansonia, even though they were once mother and daughter, they will henceforth be sisters, and they will both look to Nebadonia as their mother, or the Infinite Spirit.

And this, again, adds another dimension to relationship, which is a wondrous part of the ascension plan. Just trust that it is a natural part of the overall experience and you are going through this for a reason -- this metamorphosis from material to morontial.

Of course, it is not uncommon for you to fear the unknown. And this is why we don't mind spending time with you as a group and individually to help you look at your fears, to help you realize you do have them, for it is a part of your nature to have them. It's how you deal with them (or don't deal with them) that can be problematic and interfere with your own growth. And since I am here to help stimulate your growth and encourage your growth, it behooves me to help you face your fears and go beyond them.

I'll come back to the subject of fears in a minute, but I wanted to comment about how much we enjoyed the Retreat -- we Teachers. It was such a slice of divine life. You really did bring joy to us, and the light that communally was given off could be seen far and wide. We were very pleased.

Just as some of you who have reached a ripe old age have a birthday cake with many candles that illuminate the room, so did your group illuminate your cosmic neighborhood, based on the maturity of your spiritual content. And so even while of those in attendance were relatively new, the combined energies of your spirits was far more than the sum of its parts.

I also particularly enjoyed Onamonalonton's helping in the prayer circle. It was a good way to wade into some social practices that can be developed in your sociology. The feather . .. prayer feather . .. that was passed around is so indicative of that symbol of honor and respect that we give to that which is sacred or holy, and every religion has some kind of icon or other that depicts this kind of adoration of the magi. He who holds the sacred symbol, holds the power.

I would like very much to adapt the format of the prayer circle into your sharing practice. Now, I am not going to interfere with the natural outworking of your socializing as mortals of the realm, for as you have observed, we always appreciate your sharing and always there is something to glean from your sharing upon which we can build a lesson. But it is somewhat arbitrary and capricious, as compared to focused and intentional.

In other words, I like to think we can take this process one step further in developing your spiritual relationship with yourself and others, thus turning up the wattage on your group and any group who reads these words may consider them also as a modification or adaptation of the principle of the merkaba or other ways of connecting through the spirit that enhances the energy of the group of believers who come together for the purpose of enhancing their understanding of spirit truth, beauty and goodness.

So perhaps if you remember, next time you meet, after you have finished with your chatter, and when you take up the baton of discipline -- prior to or after the music, it doesn't matter -- let us attempt to employ the method of the prayer feather, to go around to each individual so that you each have an opportunity to hold the chalice and be the focus of the groups' attentions as you reveal to the group and to the gods that which is most meaningful to you at the time.

What have you been pondering? What have you been working on? What have you been experiencing? What have you been engaging yourself in, particularly in terms of your thoughts and your emotions, even though physical activity is sometimes a representation of what you are thinking. So it is simply a matter of disciplining each of you to honor that which the other has to say, in a rather formal fashion. Are there questions about that?

Elena: I don't think so. I like that idea. I like the idea of having … bringing into … rather than just chatter and, you know socializing like you were saying, of saying something that is actually meaningful for what is either what we've been pondering or working with that particular week, so that we share that personal spiritual thing with one another. I like that idea a lot, actually.

Miriam: I like it, too, because if it's equal, if the baton goes around to every person in the group, then everyone gets to share and everyone gets to honor where each person is, where sometimes, like in our group, people share where they are but then sometimes people don't, and so if it was even, then everyone would know where everyone was, and be, you know -- that would be cool. I mean, I'm not part of this group, but . .. I mean, I am today, but … it's a neat idea. It might take some practice to make people feel comfortable to really share spiritually where they are, instead of … "Oh, I'm fine. I had breakfast, eggs and bacon this morning." You know what I'm saying? So…

MERIUM: Yes, I know what you're saying. I am engaged in the process of drawing you out. Not to hear your recipe, but to hear your soul. I don't mind listening to your recitation about your recipe, but is it really going to augment your spiritual reality? There are those, of course, who would say it does, and I won't argue the point, but I do that like a group of elementary school children, there is tremendous potential in each of you. I don't care how old or how young you are, there is much more ahead for you, and so we might as well grasp that opportunity with both hands and make hay while the sun shines.

Now let me get back to what I was saying earlier about fear, for this has a lot to do with why people do not share more meaningfully. They fear judgment. They fear ridicule. They fear being ignored. And so this will help to strengthen you and enable you to hear your own voice, hear your own authority. Sometimes when we hear our own authority, we hear how "full of it" we are, and so it's good to hear oneself because it presents you with an opportunity to clarify your own thinking.

Another thing about fear is that everyone has rational fears as well as irrational fears, and when you keep them to yourself, it is impossible to tell the difference. Only by putting them on the table, to look at in the light of day, can it be ascertained whether the fear is rational or irrational. Some of it is mere superstition! And while there are those who clutch their fears like holy icons, there are those who would as well be rid of them. And so this is a way of trusting the process of sharing, to help you see where your fears are running away with you and where you are being sensible to represent caution in your actions -- not only in your actions but in your thinking, because that leads to actions.

In light of all these preliminaries, are there questions or would someone like to take up the feather?

Esmeralda: Merium, I'm afraid I dozed a little right there. I've had kind of a stressful, tiring week, and I apologize for dozing.

MERIUM: Well, you needn't apologize for dozing, for if you've had a stressful week, rest is the quintessential cure. The only problem as I see it is that you've missed a portion of our discourse which can be picked up on the transcript or by and through conversation with others afterwards, so nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Miriam: Or we could, maybe, get the hang of it. I'll start! I'll take up the feather and then you'll catch what she was saying that we should do, maybe. I don't know if I'm doing it right, but …

MERIUM: Remember: no cross talk. Nor are we sharing to garner advice from others. It is so that you yourself can hear your concerns. Okay?

Group: Okay.

Miriam: I am tired. I am weary. And I need to find strength from all that is good and not from this material world. I'm at a crossroads where I want to find my voice … find my voice and grow it. And we know that Father will show me know and … but I'm really tired right now, and need to find the strength to do these things. And need to listen to what's good for me instead of things that … in speaking of fear-- to not be afraid of new, and find identity in ways perhaps I don't know about yet. So, that's my holding of the feather.

MERIUM: Well done. Exemplary.

Gerdean: Well, thank you, Merium. I found my voice. I feel I have found my voice and have been exercising it and I owe a great debt of gratitude to the Teachers who have helped me open my mouth and speak, and to help me hear some of the things that emit from my mouth when I'm not on-line that are representative of my need for growth. I don't think that make the terrible faux pas and gaffs that I used to. I think I'm a better person than I used to be but if I were to even say that, I understand that's a judgment … or perhaps not. Perhaps it's an evaluation of my growth. But anyway …

What I'm experiencing and it's both material and spiritual, is that I've been grappling with this physical condition and I finally have succumbed to the advisement of everybody and put in my notice at work and so on May Day I will be free, so to speak, of the constraints of the 8-to-5 existence. That is… that is in itself very thrilling and very terrifying. I am sure it has been my fear that got me the job in the first place and that has kept me there and so now the fear of leaving just is all overwhelming sometimes.

Living in the material world and subscribing to its values in order to have an HMO and pay the mortgage, puts one in a position of believing it and depending upon it and subscribing to its requirements. And at the same time, it has not been good for me. It has been hard for me. I have not felt any spiritual fulfillment; I don't I've done any good service work. I've certainly had no fun, and now I'm now so ingrained in the lifestyle, I'm afraid I'll lose it all by changing my pattern.

So I have a lot of fear. And it's probably all unreasonable. Really. It's probably all unreasonable fear except … it still hangs on. I mean, even just saying it out loud -- that it's probably unreasonable fear -- feels good. I don't think a month ago it would have been unreasonable, but that that's because I was still in the fear, but having finally made the decision, I'm starting to recognize that it's a process and you make a decision and then you reinforce that decision and then you reinforce it again.

So it's giving me a different understanding of what it means to make decisions. Because you know how women are. We make our mind up four or five times a day if we feel like it. (Chuckles) But I'm tired! I grew very tired of trying to keep one foot in this world and one foot in the other world when I know that when you've got both feet on the divine path, it's a lot easier. At least it was when I was a little bit younger.

So, I don't know what's to come of me, but I expect my creativity will start to reassert itself, and the energy that I have invested in the lifestyle, in the workforce, will be re-patterned and reprogrammed into something that will enable me to feel some joy in living and like I'm being fruitful somehow, so I need something to do. I need something to replace what I'm letting go of. Not something just to provide me with new shackles and chains, but because I'm going to have a space in my life where that is no more, and as is said, when you close one door another one opens, so I'm looking forward to seeing what that new one will be.

And thank you for the opportunity to say this. And honor it.

Paula: You know it may be that … the next thing that you undertake will be something that will be a lot more fulfilling and that you'll really enjoy. So I wouldn't be discouraged. You've evidently made the right decision. Decisions are hard to make, but once you get over that, Bingo! You've got it.

You know what my big fault is? I tend to be judgmental, and I shouldn't be. Usually I like everybody. Last night we were at a gathering and I decided I definitely did not like this man -- at all! And that wasn't very kind. I know that. My husband was telling me that I shouldn't feel that way. I just don't like him. Period. But that doesn't mean that he's as bad as I think he is. In fact, maybe he's got a bunch of good qualities I don't know anything about. So I know, I tend to be judgmental, and I shouldn't be. It isn't a good quality, but then … I'm no angel. Believe me! I have lots and lots of faults, so everybody can judge me. And they should.

Esmeralda: Judge not. Miriam: No cross talking. Group: Thanks, Paula.

Men-O-Pah: Great Spirit, I feel your presence very close. This has been a special day. The snow falling on this thirsty earth and the music this morning from the bell choir, "La Peace Gracioso," and from our own choir, "Beneath the Shadow of Your Wings I'll Hide," and our sister, the beautiful old hymn, "Softly and Tenderly Jesus is Calling … for you and for me." We know oftentimes we're afraid but we know also that your presence is always with us and that we are not alone.

We hear your voice singing in the wind, and we know that wind is the breath of life to all the earth and all the living things on it. And we stand in awe of the setting sun. Make our hands respect those things that we've made. And make our ears sharp so we will hear you, and make us always ready to come to Thee for life surely fades, as does the setting sun, so may we come to Thee with clean hands and straight eyes.

Paula: You can see why he's a heck of a lot better person than I am. Men-O-Pah: Oh, well, I don't know about that. Paula: I do! Gerdean: That's more of your judgment there, girl.

Elena: Now, this isn't to judge. It's just to share what we each have to say. Okay. I'll take the feather.

One of the things that I've been doing this week … and there've been things throughout my life, that I've know what a decision is and I've held off from making it, or haven't done it, and have been afraid to make it, and kept from a decision because of some reason that came up, so being true to yourself, there are many times when I have been dissuaded and so anyway, this one … this week I've been waffling and wavering between going to this trip on Peru, and I'll decide and then I'll say, "Yeah, but well, maybe I'd better wait until I do this" or "Maybe I'd better wait until I do that," or until I make sure that this is all right, until that's all right. Well, I'm going, and that's that.

Paula: Where are you going? Elena: Peru. Paula: Peru!?!

Men-O-Pah: Yes, and you're going to climb the holy mountain, aren't you? Elena: At sunrise. Men-O-Pah: Machu Picchu.

Elena: At sunrise, I will rise at Machu Picchu. Gerdean: Really. That's exciting. Elena: I'm going!

Paula: Well! When? Elena: September.

Paula: Gosh. That's an adventure, isn't it!

Elena: Yeah, it is. It is, and I have to make a commitment, too. Oh, Mother's got something to say.

Esmeralda: Do you know, strangely enough, I don't have that many fears … because, I think, the people around me are in good shape. My daughters are wonderful, strong daughters and I know that they can survive and I know that their belief is good and true, and mine, I think, is too … so … the things that are material, like-- as I said, I've had a stressful week with this nosebleed and all that -- an uncomfortable week, but not a fearful one. There was nothing to fear from it … to be irritated by it, certainly Gerdean knows what it's like to have a problem breathing, but that's not a fear. That's just a material, physical, temporary thing.

And I really don't have that many fears because I know that I'm going to be happy. I may … I know that I'm going to have to really work when I get to Mansonia, because they say we need to -- we continue growing. Well, I hope that I really have big spurts of growth at that point. I think I'm kind of shallow now, and don't have that much depth of feeling or knowledge, and I'm lazy about learning, but I do believe and consequently I don't really have fears.

MERIUM: And how did I get so fortunate as to be sent to this group? What a lovely bunch of people you are. Every one of your sharings was genuine and true and appropriate for you; therefore, I commend you and encourage us to carry on.

I am not going to give you any advice based on what you shared, because I am one of you. That is to say I don't mean to come in with all the answers or to have advice when it has not been asked for. The point was to learn to share your inner life, your own unique perspective on the universe -- your universe -- the one you are living … the one with which you are familiar. And the very expressing of those thoughts will help you clarify your path.

This is the heart of the fruit of the spirit "confiding trust." If you can confide your innermost thoughts and feelings to another human being, in the presence of the Divine, you are living the gospel. You are acknowledging the Fatherhood of God and the brotherhood of man simply by being -- being yourself and expressing yourself where you are and as you are. And thus we have been fruitful. Are there questions?

Esmeralda: Merium, I said, in my sharing that I did not have fears, and I don't … for myself, or for my daughters, or my good friends who are here, because I think we're all aware that we are in the Father's hands and we will be all right. I do have a concern that our world and our country is maybe not going in the right direction, and so I am concerned about that, but here again, Father is all-powerful, and his bestowal son, Jesus, did such a wonderful job of making our universe possible that I am sure that they have a plan and that it will work. But I am concerned about that.

MERIUM: That was quite a pronouncement for someone who is self-professed shallow thinker. (Group laughter)

Esmeralda: Well, maybe I should have said 'not too intelligent' a one, but shallow, also, I have always thought applied. Maybe that came from having a brother who I always thought was much more intellectual and smarter than I.

MERIUM: Intellectual is highly overrated. (Laughter)

Miriam: What you said -- and what Merium started out with -- just mirrored what she said, to me, because she said that everyone had a perspective of the Master on this planet and what he did, and so how everyone reveres him on this planet. That, coupled with the comment that Merium shared that people who don't have a say, you know-- fear is such a-- and back before I had a faith, when I had fear, it was so raw and huge, and when you do have a faith and you do know about the Master, and what he did here, I think your comments just kind of mirrored that, what Merium started out with … the perspective.

Elena: And you don't think Merium's shallow. Esmeralda: No, I know she isn't. Elena: So …

Miriam: Which Miriam are you talking about? (Laughter) Esmeralda: Maybe both. Elena: Either one!

MERIUM: Well, I will divert for a moment on the two Miriams. You will notice our names are not spelled the same. I focus on that simply to indicate that we have our own signature, and that while we may fall together in the Order of Miriam, we are even so colored according to our own design. How do you spell your name?

Miriam: Well, I know you're "um." I'm M-i-r-i-a-m."

MERIUM: " … I-A-M. I AM. Look at that. That is a designation if I ever saw one. Whereas mine seems to be a composite of merry (as in Merry Christmas or Ye Merry Gentlemen") and "ium" which is from an ancient language. So my coloration is altogether different. Even as I am quite reinforced by our sisterhood, I regard both Miriam’s present today as co-workers in the field. "Comrades at arms," to coin a phrase.

But getting back to this perspective thing -- about the world condition -- it is only by and through your transcendent and eternal perspective that you can walk without fear in these times in which you live. And as you said, Esmeralda, you fear not for yourself, or your daughters, for you know whereof you speak, but the country may be on a collision course or there may be some kind of dubious destiny coming down.

Those whose destiny is wrapped up in the material world will indeed feel fearful -- may even be blinded by their material concerns -- but those of you who have been able to lift yourselves up out of the density of the material kingdom to see the light of the Kingdom of God are able to see with great illumination that women and men of the world are not in charge; the Most Highs rule in the kingdoms of men.

And like a good steward or an adequate babysitter, the considerations of the moment must be factored in, as well as the overall responsibility to which we are assigned. This, too, we share with all creatures great and small. We have our area of influence. And so how do we handle our area of influence? Do we maintain the short-range view, such as the heathen do when they rage, or do we expand our perspective to include the far-reaching eternal perspective of divinity? Not to make light of the material condition, by any means, but to simply add perspective.

When you begin to get caught up in the anxiety of the material world and its growth throes, even in observing the destruction of that which no longer serves, lift up your eyes to the hills from whence cometh your help, and remember the light that can be generated by shared faith with others, and know too that you can live within that radiant light.

Love is.


Let's open the windows and let in the fresh air. Stretch and play. Enjoy your day and this beautiful taste of winter. See how the sun has shone on the earth with tears of joy. See you next time, darlings.

Group: Thank you.

MERIUM: Bye-bye.