2009-10-07-What Am I Doing Here

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Topic: What Am I Doing Here

Group: Rio Rancho TeaM


Teacher: Merium, Tomas

TR: Gerdean, Tiahuan



Elena: Music (Xylophone) and Prayer

After a slight malfunction with the recording equipment we pick up Merium at this point:

MERIUM: Isn't it what everyone wants to know after they know "Who am I?" It is "What am I to do? What is my purpose in life? What am I here for? What is the reason for my being? Am I a mere accident? Am I a mere fleck of dust that floats through the air without direction or purpose? Am I food for bigger beasties to feed upon, like big fish little fish? Are we victims of fate or are we purposive human beings? And if we are purposive, how does that come about? What ascertains our purpose? Is it something we individually assess for ourselves? Based on what?

There is a great deal of peace indeed to be had from doing what others expect of you, and what pleases others, for then you are the recipients of their approval, and this makes you feel good. But is this a pattern that you develop that curtails your being all that you could be because it is an easier, softer way? If once you can discern your own motives without judgment you can begin to eliminate these less effective behaviors, you can learn to lean more heavily on the destiny that awaits you in terms of your path -- your interpretation of the path, the path to Paradise, walking in His will, deriving personal satisfaction from the joint effort between you and your Indwelling Adjuster, your own essence of godliness.

In gatherings like this you have the opportunity to stretch yourselves, expand your self-imposed limitations, your pre-judgments, and other self-serving motivations that make you look good, in order to up-step that to what makes Deity look good. Inasmuch as it is your purpose to conform your will to the Divine will, you feel fulfilled in this process. Your happiness is your own reward.

And seeing your greatness reflected back to you through the goodness in you and your fellows, it helps to cement your understanding of who you are in a higher sense and encourages your development in the purposive realms of existence which go beyond the mere matter of maintenance to supreme levels of operation.

I cannot presume upon our guest, but I can certainly invite him to take the baton from this T/R to pursue the course. Would you be so willing?


TOMAS: This is Tomas. I am glad to greet you in this configuration, witnessing the changing of the seasons around you and within you. Behold, all things are being made new in this moment as ever. We gather to inquire into possibilities latent within us all. You think that we "on high" (so to speak) are fully realizing our own potential. This is a misconception that is understandable when mortals, especially those accustomed to isolation, begin to encounter the truth of who you and we are in this great pool of love provided by our Parents.

It is as though you were sequestered in an outlying hot tub with a wall between you and this larger pool. Some of you may have discerned evidence of others through this wall beyond your range of vision and, of course, many have come to sit in this tub with you speaking of this larger pool. Oftentimes they have been asked to leave, as if speaking of a greater pool while in the midst of this body of water, relatively speaking, would be taken as ingratitude. Far from it, however, for this water is derived from the same source.

And that some have erected, through their own choices, barriers - as if to isolate various configurations of children from one another, when the intent of our Parents is to allow us, regardless of the particular arena in which we dwell, to discern that it is related to countless others whose dimensions are truly beyond our capacity to know, until such time as we have begun (indistinguishable).

In this season of experience for this world, and for you gathered here, when the reason for becoming who you are as a world with other worlds leave you with a vision of those who really believe what they seek are now seeing is true, but how much greater is the vision whereby you see not merely those worlds through your own mechanical contrivance, as helpful as these are, so when there are those who are material-minded are apt to ask you to leave your present pool of placement where your soul is being heard, remind them that they too extend their range of vision through mechanical means.

And this is laudable and is to be encouraged in every manner that is possible, for dwelling in you is the desire to see God. And this Source, this infinite spark wants to speak, to learn, to experience. It is our Father dwelling in you desiring to extend himself through you and invite others to partake of seeing truth, unlimited by temporal conditions, by spatial limitations. It is for His children that he shares fully with his partners in Paradise Trinity.

You would form an emerging experiential deity through your own experience, living faithfully (indistinguishable) so do not doubt when those that would content only extending their vision through the invention of their own artifice to make use of this indigenous resource within you that is the Creator of your Source and Center.

Lift your eyes to these (indistinguishable) that surround you. Everything you see with your material vision, is the way the divine spirit makes contact with mortal man, with the spiritual light, without concern for others who would dismiss it, and invite by feelings or emotions, but in the realm of the highest and most spiritualized thinking, for "It is your thoughts, not your feelings, that lead you Godward." (Pg. 1104, ¶ 06)

(Indistinguishable) within you all, this desire to know is truly planted and nurtured by Our Father, Our Mother and all of our siblings where we stand together in this moment that is forever. It is single. It is solitary. It is personal religious experience. It is a part of the whole of increasing, ongoing perfection. How happy I am to be here with you in this fashion, through this voice, and in this community of friends.

MERIUM: Thank you, Tomas. Stay with us. There is more to come, but I am going to fluff up the pillows and turn up your volume. I am also going to ask for questions from the floor


Elena: Tomas! You mentioned something about "people would be asked to leave." I wonder what you mean by that.

TOMAS: Let me speak more directly. You know, throughout the course of history on an evolving world, whenever what is known is enjoyed as a source of (indistinguishable) there exists always a need to expand this comfort. There are and there is a tendency among all, to some extent -- and perhaps some more than others, for everyone has a role. Some conserve, some preserve, some discover and all of us do this together, so you see, there is built into this tendency to construct and design comfort that you know and with which you are familiar.

There is always the invitation to whomever would accept it, to step beyond these boundaries, and as you do, whether in your own experience or as defined by those with whom you dwell, you may encounter what appears to be (indistinguishable), their disapproval, perhaps persecution, and it may be not so explicit as your forebears knew, but is nonetheless subtle and striking at this heart where it is your faith that leads you onward… inward …upward. You get the idea. Does this assist? Is this a more clear conception?

Elena: Yes. [Faulty tape]

TOMAS: Important it is to remember that as you are invited to pursue what you sense as an opening into certainty and what is unknown, and as you appear to part ways to some extent with that which you have shared as known, settled, comfortable with your fellows, be on guard against the propensity, quite natural and understandable, for you as you journey outward to look back and reply to the disapproval or the barbs thrown at you or laid very discretely around you, with an air of superiority, looking down as it were upon your fellows for what appears to be a more timid posture.

You recall in your text how it is that in every generation a civilization is imperiled when a certain percentage of youth, as they wrestle with becoming adults, avoid entering arenas of inquiry such as in the realm of philosophy, religion, cosmology, art, music, and so forth, things that are not so readily rewarding in a material sense. But likewise, this relative minority that is required in order for the maintenance of a progressive civilization remains outside of the context of that civilization, that is defiant and guarded and protected by those who would remain, as it were, in the port, in the pool, behind the wall that is safe or seemingly safe. Am I clear?

Elena: [Response inaudible]

TOMAS: [Considerable material lost due to faulty recording.]

Thoroah: [Talking about when you step out of your own comfort zone you have to deal with those who balk against the separation.]

TOMAS: Yes, by all means, you never will separate. None of us are separate. But sometimes when you have grown accustomed to an apparent insular environment, you feel as you adventure, a need to recreate that isolation, even if in an expanded dimension, so what difference does it make? Taking one step out of isolation into another context? Would this be a source of satisfaction? Perhaps. For a moment. What you are experiencing in this time is the awakening of an entire world, and in truth, an entire universe awaiting (indistinguishable) elimination of these barriers, possibly erected by the decision of those who would deny what they cannot see.

Gerdean: I have a concern I would like to ask about, and that is, when we step outside the hot tub wall into the atmosphere, as it were, those of us who have some sense of spiritual purpose are - as part of the persecutions, perhaps - disdained as a "guru." It's that word guru I'd like you to talk about. We have a number of gurus in the avant garde that I have rubbed elbows with over the decades and I find them amusing and helpful often, also comical and pathetic. I consider myself one, if and when I apply the definition as I understand it. But it would just be helpful to hear something from an esteemed teacher about this attitude that happens, in some regard, when we set out to be ambassadors of a spiritual kingdom. Would you address that, Tomas?

TOMAS: Gladly, Gerdean. To use this metaphor with which we began, the term "guru" is it not but any other place deemed to be apart, and yet is close enough to remain visible to those within this solution that is, in truth, the gift of Our Parents' Love. Will they stand outside this water and teach about the experience of being in it? Such is the picture drawn in this word. Do not be distracted when your fellows or yourselves at any time find yourself standing beside this small pool speaking to those in it of another pool that they discern just over what is apparently a barrier. Remember, no one sets themselves upon the path of being an ambassador. It is the source of law that defines any government that is invested in its citizens. The law of a spiritual kingdom, of this that we are, our law is singular. It is love. Love delights in moving everyone in a dance of divinity attainment and as you move and are moved, you may find yourself in a position, temporarily, seen as distinct, but not for long. Once again you return, immersing yourselves in the Source of the impetus to stand at all.

The difficulty of terms of authority - designating esteem, respect, prestige perhaps - are problematic when they are defined by those that would have them be still and remain standing, looking over a barrier while speaking of what they see. It is not the intent of love for anyone to be left outside this healing bath of love, in any pool at any time.

Simply allow this fluid to have its way and know that it comes from within you, each and all, and as you do, you will not have time with which to imprison the voice of spirit, for this spirit is eternal. It speaks through all of us in different ways, in different moments, limited moments they are in time by its very nature, and yet a microcosm, a hologram if you will, of eternity, designed by Our Father to assist you in sharing the service of eternity. Such a destiny that awaits you! Does this help, Gerdean?

Gerdean: Yes, it does. It reminds me, too, of the word "ostentatious." Perhaps in our isolation, in our family isolations we've been cultivated to believe that anyone who has the nerve to step outside the bounds of propriety or custom or heaven forbid look over the wall or make a loud noise, be seen in any capacity, is in bad taste, poor form, as ostentatious. This is one of the things that stop me when I feel that I'm going outside of someone else's comfort zone -- in terms of how much I talk or some of the words that I use in my ministry, and I really want to be effective, and yet sometimes it seems like the best thing I can do is go back to bed and keep my mouth shut. So this is kind of what I was thinking of in terms of my own personal spiritual path -- how to proceed and have a sense of purposiveness in my reflecting the light, but without appearing to be some flaming ego on parade. I guess I just need to overcome my trepidation and forge ahead in the spirit -- onward, inward and upward -- and let the chips fall where they may.

TOMAS: Dear Gerdean, this trepidation is a trap of the ego that would prevent you from being free. It is the Spirit that you are that is free to speak -- to extend your hand, your heart and mind as is directed by its Source. When you or any would feel discouraged, as if you were reminded that you are but a shell, a body, who are you to think of yourselves as children of God? This is the complaint of those who have but themselves to be accountable for their dis-ease. As you allow yourself to be at liberty in love, you liberate all those around you.

If I may suggest that when you feel like retreating and, as you say "just going back to bed" as if to mend wounds encountered in your opening your blossom showing forth, sharing its fragrance, you are in truth simply acknowledging the priority and the source of the truth that you are by resting. And we, of course, have been for some time now encouraging everyone to recognize the priority of resting in this that is Our Father's Love. We have called it Stillness. You may call it anything you wish. You may call it Respite. You may call it a Reverie. You may call it communion, meditation, prayer, worship -- all of these and many more are quite appropriate. They all point you and we to this Source that we are, in truth.

But we remind ourselves as we re-charge ourselves -- and if I could borrow a metaphor from my friend here, each of you are as an agent of change, of nutrition, of life-giving oxygen that the body of God needs to have in extensive circulation. You are, as you find yourselves in your temporal, spatial identities, located at this moment in what is understood to be an extremity of God. You are passing through this chamber. The life-giving nutrients that you are, are being spent, and while there are ages to come before you stand in Paradise, you dwell in this place, you may at any time, for such is the gift of Paradise that it is embedded in every particle of creation, and what it is, is the heart of God, and as you find yourselves depleted, having spent yourselves in service, learning with your fellows the dance of divinity, and you have tumbled and tripped, your toes are injured, or another's, simply return to this space, if you will, that is everywhere, and allow yourselves to be refreshed in the chambers of the heart of God. This is where all the nutrients, all the food, all the riches, that you would carry to the outermost boundaries of creation - it is here, this place in which we dwell, even now. Do not lament when you sustain injuries, either to your ego or simply to your heart, having opened yourself to being vulnerable as much as you feel you can. Allow yourself the privilege of witnessing your heart becoming the heart of God.

Gerdean: Amen.

Student: Thank you.

TOMAS: Are there other questions?

Gerdean: There is another question, Tomas, but I am concerned about our endurance levels. Not that we are not having a wonderful time, but I just need to check with the group and see if they are --because this is a long question that has been submitted and might take some time to answer and I know some people here have other commitments, so let me go on pause and find out, okay?


Gerdean: I know that someone will say to put it on the record so I'm going to put it on the record. It's quite a lengthy thing:

"I would like someone in your group to address a question to Tomas since he is a self-described philosopher. Given the limitations of my mortal mind, I would like to ask if it is possible for the architects of existence to achieve their goals without the amount of suffering that this planet has known?

"I just made up the term 'architects of existence' to stand for all in the celestial realms who plan reality or existence. (I am aware of the Master Architects in the text.) Essentially, I am questioning the necessity, if necessity is indeed the case, for the amount of suffering we endure. Just to take the instance of the amount of suffering endured by what might be called the immaturity of the physical development of the planet that causes so much death and suffering through volcanic upheavals, earthquakes, and hurricanes.

"In other words, why not wait until the planet had gone through these primitive stages before planting life? It is, after all, difficult for sensitive and intelligent human beings to believe in a benevolent God when we are surrounded by so much suffering. Another way of approaching the issue I am raising is, rather than asking it in the form of a question, it might be made in the form of a suggestion from we lowly humans who are doing the suffering to our superiors who are planning future universes. If it is the case, and I believe it to be so, that we are co-creators with our celestial superiors, I should think they would be interested in some feed-back along this line. Do they have a suggestion box?

"Take, for instance, the default of Lucifer as narrated in our text. Here is a high Son with hundreds of thousands of years of training. Did this son have no personal experience of the love of the Father in all this time, so that at a certain point he could readily deny his existence and claim it was fraud on the part of the Creator Sons to claim such existence only to strengthen their political rule? I don't think the revelators did a very good job of explaining this default. It is stated that in our local universe these sons were given more personal freedom than the usual standard.

"Then the text goes on to say that this granting of extended personal responsibility to Lucifer is not an error in that more benefits have accrued from this state of affairs than the loses. I do not recall the benefits, if indeed they are listed. (And they would have a bit of an unreal quality about them when simply read, as contrasted with the vividness and immediacy of our experienced suffering and horror.) From where I am sitting, I would vote to limit the power of these sons if it would mitigate the suffering we and 39(?) other planets have had to endure. I think it is the divine within us that urges us to ask questions. It is the pull to understand. Yes?

"I am not angry at management. I am genuinely interested in what the wiser and more experienced teachers have to say, particularly, since we have been encouraged by the Master to be unafraid to examine all matters."

Gerdean: So. Any of that.

TOMAS: Dear friends. This is Tomas. I would endeavor to address these questions, this comment, critique, analysis of experience that we share, and particularly you in this world. The question begs the examination of the range of freedom. Indeed it probes: what is freedom? In asking the question, you yourself are exercising this freedom that is extended - and in this particular local creation is extended perhaps in a greater measure than many others, though not all, so you will allow that there is difference, the difference that composes the character of creation of which you are a part, a creative part.

Indeed, you, in many ways, are designing your own universe as you speak, based upon your experience and yes, it is valuable and it has come at a high price, therefore savor it even more deeply. Invite as many as would join you in sifting the seeds of wisdom as a harvest in this experience. Freedom entails responsibility, as we know. Were it not for such freedom, what meaning would there be in your question? Would you as a creator limit, and how much, your creation? You are doing this now, even as you speak, but as you limit yourself by limiting others, you are then confining according to your own preference, the concept of God within you.

It would be my intent, and it is my mission as a teacher in this initiative of healing the wounds that you have experienced, to encourage your confidence that is born of faith in our Father over and against, sometimes, the wisdom or lack thereof of any one or many of his beloved children. And so you will answer your own question in time and eventually in the service of eternity, should you so choose -- building upon the architectural plans of making use of this precious experience in the management and direction and creation of universes awaiting their moment to come forth from within us.

The question inevitably is one of how great is your faith in your fellows? Or better yet, how great a faith do you have in our Father working in and through them? How much of your own control would you cover them with and/or corral them? Yes, there are limitations that are designed into our creation. Having suffered as you have, you would restrain those limitations further. But in fact you are simply questioning how you could extend these limitations in a more effective manner, and I am grateful for your concern, your care, your understanding, your compassion, that is of a character ironically shaped by this experience that you may find a cause of regret.

And so you yourself offer the proof of the wisdom of the faith of our Father in His children, whether as we are as ascending mortals or in his finite children of birth and origin in a local creation born to administer the realms of time. I hope that you will discern that this experience is one that informs such administrators as we speak. Be assured that all is gathered in; nothing is wasted; everything serves the cause of love, and it is after all things have come and gone that love remains, our source, our hope, our joy, the inspiration of our liberty that is so freely shared, restrained only by the wisdom and mercy of this limitless love unfolding nevertheless within the limitations of time and space.

I thank you and I would encourage you to continue in your inquiry and proceed in the gathering of experience to inform your inquiry. We all depend upon one another to make real the reality of this love in time and space as it is in Havona.

MERIUM: I would add my two cents. This is Merium and in the wake of Tomas' dissertation, I'll be pedantic by this parable of you who love to garden, wherein the task of plowing the field in the spring involves large clumps of soil in which worms move and have their being, and some of them are cut in two as the blade swings deep into the earth. Worms are of a nature that they can withstand being halved; they simply adjust by becoming two worms.

Reneau: How weird.

MERIUM: It's simply another example of how creation works. There are many rules, natural laws, in creation.

Moving through our garden experience, comes the day when the soil is cultivated and the seeds are planted in the furrows. Over time, if the circumstances and conditions are optimum, all the seeds will sprout and emerge from the soil in a race for survival. Here is the point where I would pause to inculcate the human race as an analogy. You are seedlings, one and all, and in order to have a good crop, in order for the fruit of the vine to come forth, there will need to be a series of weeding and hoeing, followed by hewing and pruning, so as to approach optimum, and this is sometimes how it is with the early races. Many are weeded out so that many others can survive and flourish.

Ask the Master Gardener if it is cruel to weed the garden, to pull out the many, many seedlings that will surely choke upon themselves in the furrow where they are planted if they are not either transplanted or eliminated by some merciful method, lest they become dwarfs, mutants, or such suckers as to deplete the soil of all the nutrition that is necessary for the growth of those which are fortunate enough to survive. Would that you could see how early in the game your earth is.

I certainly do not mean to imply that human lives are uprooted and snuffed out without a care, as if the Master Gardener were unthinking and uncaring or insensitive. From the limited perspective of the back yard gardener, it might seem so but when you have developed experience and can see the farther view, you can better appreciate that these laws, natural laws are in effect for a reason and that without abiding by certain facts of existence, existence will be retarded and slow.

Do not make the mistake of thinking I have just justified the deaths of all those who drown in the tsunami or succumb to plague, no, for even in mass murders and global disease there are sincere religionists whose voices are heard on high, who may be physically cut down but are salvageable on high as living beings worthy of survival. You just seem to have a sense of tenderness and compassion that goes to the victims of primitive existence as proof against the goodness of God and this is erroneous thinking. The Father does not delight in your suffering. Neither does he send you impaired or ineffective leadership, but in light of the gift of free will, it would be a mistake to blame God for how mortals use their free will -- not only mortals but heavenly helpers who go astray, as sometimes happens.

And ever remember that most of the worlds of time and space are controlled such that they do not have the variables that are allowed in these decimal worlds such as on which you reside where the opportunity for disaster is manifold more because of the adventure of options available to you that are not available on worlds more settled and constrained by universal law. Perhaps you can better appreciate the uniqueness of your world when you realize that it has undergone significant aberrations from the divine plan that was set in motion when this world was created by the master architects as a result of the planning - the conscientious and painstaking planning that went into it by your Creator Son and his Consort.

Indeed Michael's apology to the children of time and space was demonstrated in his decision to come here to see first hand the results of his creation, even that which had run amok, very much like you parents who love your children, even when they are immature, rebellious, defiant, disrespectful, and behave in vile manner. It is very difficult not to love your children. It is error to indulge such behavior and cultivate it and nurture it as if it were merciful. Mercy is not the same as enabling. It does not make excuses for evil, but understands evil and operates in the face of evil to do good.

It would seem Tomas has cultivated a Teacher's Assistant in me, Merium, as I begin to wax philosophic … interspersed with my babysitting and storytelling. Are there other questions or are there other comments? And Tomas, I am not usurping your place at the podium, merely facilitating this afternoon.

Reneau: Can I just ask that you send my daughter's guardian angels to help her and watch over her and help her get through this, and I know a lot is being done. I just want to say thank you and keep up the good work.

MERIUM: There are indeed angels overseeing your daughter's care and development. She is not alone. She will benefit greatly by developing a relationship with the spirit such that she can actually approach assistance in faith of it being there. It is all very well and good for us to be there for her, and for others to be there for her, but she must develop her own faith in that fact. Help her recognize that she is not alone. In the farther dimension, help her realize that she is aided and assisted by the many morontia beings who not only look after her and her coworkers but who are assigned to the field of healing.

There are angels of health who are assigned to her place of employment, that reside there night and day and help with the healing processes of the residents therein - the patients as well as the employees as well as the visitors as well as any and all that have to do with that division of seraphic aide. What a blessing! How confidence-inducing it must be for those of you who know what division to which you are assigned, where your niche is, for once you have found your niche in the service to humanity, your service to the Father can shine.

Even within the field of medicine there are smaller, more specialized fields of service. Help her find the one that will draw her out, where she will run eagerly -- challenged and stimulated -- to embrace the task before her. Allow her to know the hope of fulfillment as a worker in the field. And as you have done, nurture her courage by giving her herself.

There is a midwayer there by the name of Mimi.

Reneau: In the hospital?


Reneau: Okay. Good.

MERIUM: Yes. I will ask Mimi to be mindful of your daughter as she returns to work after her hiatus; however, I am quite sure Mimi is already well apprised and even now awaits her return to the scene where the synchronicities of healing can begin -- hers as well as those she serves. Have faith.

Reneau: Thank you.

MERIUM: Are there other matters, other comments?

Gerdean: I, Gerdean, want to thank Rob for coming and for giving me the opportunity to ask questions and to sit at the feet of the Teachers as a student. I am greatly comforted through this ministry and I appreciate all of those who serve in the capacity as T/R as well as those who are called students in this teaching mission … not to mention my huge appreciation for the Teachers themselves.

MERIUM: Well said, Gerdean. We too have great appreciation for all the players, all the participants, all the elements of life that conspire to lift you up into the greater realms of light. Are there any closing remarks from you Tomas?


TOMAS: My dear friends, I glow with gratitude for your gathering and your witnessing Merium in a role to which you may not be accustomed. Allow yourselves to take up roles in which you may find yourself unaccustomed. For within you, as in us, is the Source of all, and nothing can fulfil a teacher like a student who has joined them in the task of extending themselves. Indeed, you have received much; you have much to give. Do not call yourselves short of that which Our Father sees in you.

Be of good cheer. We will be mindful of your progress

MERIUM: Bye bye.